Tidbits of real...

Just a few things...it feels good to get it out there...so there's nothing to hide!

I can never take anything or any person at surface value. No matter what it is, or who they are, I think about it/them very deeply. Seriously. I always think there has to be more than just what I see. Food, furniture, shoes, church, the person behind me in line at the grocery, you get the picture...Unfortunately, that makes me susceptible to conspiracy theories and other such nonsense. Sometimes it's crippling, curbing my enjoyment of just the moment...but sometimes it is life saving...

I'm such a plan-ahead-er that I have to remind myself daily that THIS is my life. Right now. And I'd better make the most of it...and that as a wife, helpmeet, mother, and keeper of my home, I'm accountable to GOD for how I spend each minute of my day. THIS day, not the ones next week that I've planned for!

Sometimes, I just announce "It's a free day!" to my kids. Then I sit in a comfy chair and read a book all day while they watch movies, play computer games and feed themselves. Occasionally I feel guilty, but not usually.

Our desk in our school room is an unforgivable disaster area. I hate clutter and disorganization. Unfortunately, my dear husband could care less, and has even less time to do something about it. Sadly, I'm terrified to even touch the bills and statements and all the other freaky paper clutter that is surrounding me even as I type this. I'm not the one who pays the bills and deals with all that stuff, and in my mind, if I throw away the wrong thing, the IRS will be knockin' on the door tomorrow! I guess I need to find the Paper Clutter 101 class and take some good notes!

Right now, I'm completely alone in my house. Well, except for the dog...who is sitting behind me VERY loudly grinding down a bone. This never, ever, ever happens! The kids are at my parents house for the day, and it's my opportunity to ransack their rooms and get rid of stuff that they would never miss until they saw it heading out of the house to be donated...sneaky, eh? But...all I want to do is make some chocolate chip cookies and popcorn and sit down with a movie. *sigh* We don't even have any popcorn...

I took a break

Right before Easter, during the Lenten season, I attempted to take a break from all electronics...more specifically from email and other internet related time wasters. I also imposed said break on my kids, and would have asked Marvin to participate except for the fact that he actually hates using the computer at all because he has to so often at work.

During the first week it was a little challenging. I was teaching a class to our local homeschool co-op at the time and I was trying to figure out how to limit my email access to only one day a week but still be able to adequately communicate with my students.  I ended up checking email only the day before my class, or checking once a day on my Kindle (which is small and makes it VERY inconvenient to send any reply emails).

I think it was about day three or four, when Marvin came home from work, raised his eyebrows and remarked how exceptionally clean and tidy the house looked.  The next week, he began to get a bit nervous as he saw bag after bag of stuff head out the door to be donated! At the end of that week, it hit me...

I was completely addicted to using the computer.

I remembered how vague and disconnected I had felt during the day from the kids, and how frantic I felt around 5:00 when I realized that my hours of the day had vanished and I couldn't be accountable for any of them. I had this sense of restlessness and hurry in the back of my mind to get accomplished normal daily tasks in what I felt to be not enough time.

I really and truly thought homeschooling was the culprit! How many times had I said to a friend, "Oh yes, I've given up on having a clean house, but at least we are eating healthy food and my kids will be well educated!"
And how silly I felt looking back on that, realizing that I had given my time over to a vacuum of useless internet searches and email rabbit trails.

At the end of the 40 day hiatus, I was extremely reluctant to end it! Sadly, I gave in to what is socially acceptable, and re-opened my email account. I had become so accustomed by then to redirecting my hourly thought of "must check email" to a thought of "no, no email, kids and house instead" that checking email felt foreign and strange.

Now, months later, I'm still unsure how this should look...me+the computer+my REAL life...what is too much? What is the bare minimum? Should I unsuscribe to all newsletters so I don't have as much email?

I have cut back on quite a bit, no longer going down rabbit trails, blog hopping, using Faceb*ok, or Twit*er...but I still do need to use email, and I still to quite a bit of research online. It's hard to find a balance with something that is so necessary, but at the same time not really!

I think the real issue for me is just simply getting distracted. I find myself doing something that I totally didn't intend to do and wondering how I got there! on a daily basis! Somehow I think that's no more than natural for a homeschooling momma of little ones...

Hello, there!

Hi! It's me.
I've been away for quite a while. Too long.

I've forgotten how nice it is to have an outlet for all the words and conversations I have with myself in my head daily. How nice it is to think that perhaps someone else out there feels the same way...or that someone might feel better if they read what I wrote.

We've been schooling, asking questions, thinking about the future, re-thinking about the future, waiting on the Lord, working hard, de-cluttering, feeling unsettled, feeling content, trying new things, growing together, enjoying our life, seeing things with a different perspective.

Some things have been answered, settled. Others have not. It's hard to wait, but it feels familiar, secure. For waiting is what I do best...

I've actually been blogging all along...sometimes just in my head... and sometimes on here...just saving all the posts for when the time is right to share.

And now it's time.

So...Hello, again!
Hope you've all been well.
I'll talk to you soon...

Just Mine

{Just a post with 

just pictures of 

just what I touch and work on during

 my day}

I wanted to see what I see all day besides the kids...

I think a couple kids snuck in there

but I tried to isolate and photograph 

just what I do

Call it an experiment in "maternal social studies!

serving breakfast

{homemade grain-free granola and raw pastured milk}

someone who is very grateful for the nutritious food I work hard to provide

Heading to the shower...

{this robe has seen me through pregnancies, sickness, cold days, sad days...and yes, I'm aware that it has yellow bath ducks and bubbles on it!}

Arthur...on the way upstairs

{long story, still makes me laugh}

And this still makes me smile!

{we worked so hard on this room, never thought we'd be finished...still love it up there}

Nasty...but cute

{this bathroom is older than your grandmother and dirtier than the bottom of an inner city dumpster...the day we rent a truck and haul away the guts of this room will be a happy one, indeed!}

Favorite jeans

{that of course were discontinued right after I ordered them and fell in love!}

 Other random stuff I must use each and every day

{in our other bathroom...that is older than your GREAT grandmother and dirtier than...well, I can't say! Not sure which one I'm more excited about tearing in to}

Waiting for me at the foot of my bed

{our "laundry room" is actually a small closet...IN our bedroom. Mixed feelings on that one!}

Checking in, and finding diligence!

{not normal...but warms my heart when it happens. Usually when I step out of the room, pandemonium breaks loose. Hence the reason I don't seem to get as many daily showers as I should!}

LOTS of tea bags...

for LOTS of kombucha

{this was my first gallon batch...isn't it pretty?}

If it isn't written in here, we won't be there!

{this is my paper-brain...couldn't live without it}

And if it isn't written in HERE, my kids won't be learning it!

{I heart my planners!}

Back in the kitchen to make lunch

{they all LOVE celery!}

Finding a misplaced water bottle

This is never empty...

{sad, but true!}

{I'd LOVE to have two dishwashers!}

Apron love

Something else to trip over

{but loyal companion!}

Dinner leftovers

{grain-free biscuits with jelly}

My light saber...duh-DUH, duhduhduhDUH-duh

{I love this broom...makes me happy to sweep!

and yes, there's a little St*r Wars love around here, too}

What's in there for tomorrow?

{can you spot the leeks, pastured chicken, farm eggs and cod liver oil?

Oh, and Ruger is looking for a carrot!}

This means bedtime is almost here...

{or maybe this was me starting it at noon!}

I would like to try this again but with a different theme...

maybe like "what I taught the kids" or "what we read" or "what I cooked"

A Thousand Words...literally!

This might just look like a sweet picture to anyone else...

but for me, it is worth 1000 words.

 One thousand word spent 

 

praying

doubting myself

questioning learning abilities

asking for help

refusing help

seeking advice and finding answers

trying new things

repenting for giving up

praising

encouraging

bragging

One thousand words spent

asking why?

discussing

pleading

lecturing

reasoning

explaining

modeling

giving up (again!)

venting

getting creative

 

and finally

falling on my knees before the One who knows...

(isn't it funny that sometimes that's the last thing we do?)

You see, this picture represents the fruit of our two year struggle to get Benji reading, AND to get Benji and Ava to stop their constant picking at each other. This picture represents the faithfulness of our God...and how He does care about the details of our life!

Wanna know how we did it?

Coming soon...

What do you do when...

every word you say hits a brick wall?

When obedience turns into a negotiable concept?

When you get so frustrated that you want to stomp and yell and punch the wall?

When the entire household has molasses running through their veins, 

but the schedule races by at the speed of light?

When everyone, including you, needs something dramatic and new,

all at the same time?

When you need to be doing 5 things all at once...

but can't seem to even manage one successfully?

 

I get excited!

Yep!

It's when those seasons come that I lean deeper into my Rock. 

He put me here. 

He has made me content to be a wife, a mother, a help-meet, a homemaker, a teacher...

I love watching our home get rocked this way

because...

The outcome is beautiful!

We all emerge clean and shiny, washed by the rain of trials and friction, cleansed by the act of humble submission to our Heavenly Father, 

 

author of

orderliness

and peace

 

giver of wisdom

 

lifter of the weary

 

light for those who stumble

encourager of the mommies

protector of their children

leader of the lost.

So, we wait. I pray and observe...both myself and my children. I take notes, find scripture, get ideas from others, pray some more, and let the Lord make a new plan. This happens every so often to us...mostly when I'm feeling puffed up and prideful that I CAN DO IT!

Because, after all, I can't do it! It's only Christ through me that can...

It's a hard lesson learned, one that I apparently need to learn over and over again.

This time seems to be a bit harder than others...and I'm seeing bad fruit from bad choices.

BUT

Jesus will be glorified here!

And it will be a beautiful thing...

We interrupt this program...

Today was a good day...

Just a day to stay at home, listen to the rain

learn something, cook some food

clean a bit

snuggle and read

you know, normal stuff!

But...

as soon as I woke up I knew I had to visit my chiropractor.

From all the enthusiastic violin practicing I've been doing with the children

my jaw and neck were hurting

and boy were they in pain this morning!

I could barely open my mouth...

So, a phone call and a frantic hour later

we were on the road.

The appointment was at 11, which meant we had to leave at 10

If you've read previous posts of mine

you'll know that leaving the house at 10 is *yawn* early morning for us!

Thank goodness for extra homemade turkey sausage patties from yesterday in my fridge

and a quick kefir smoothie!

Anyway, after a crazy unexpected three hours in which I began to feel tremendously better,

we pulled in the driveway where I was greeted by a text message from a friend asking

"r u home?"

Want my honest reaction?

*inward groan*

*thoughts of being dishonest*

I don't like to be interrupted!

And we had JUST pulled in the driveway, for heaven's sakes! 

After a morning of a huge interruption!

BUT...

I replied

"sure!"

And in 15 minutes had an onlooker while I fed the kids and cleaned up the kitchen...sort of

THEN...

(are you ready? this is big...)

I

SAT

DOWN

and

chatted nonstop for several hours with a friend that I hadn't seen for quite a while that used to be one of my closest friends who said she was lonely and unsettled and we got interrupted several times by the kids but it didn't phase me because hey, the whole day so far has been an interruption, right?

*whew*

And you know what?

It was great!

Yes, the house suffered...

dinner was late...

part of school didn't get done...

violin didn't get practiced...

the children watched a couple movies...

But it was OK!

We had a great time and shared things that needed to be talked about between the two of us.

And, best of all, I was reminded of something.

A truth that MUST be remembered if you are going to be a successful parent.

The interruptions in your day are God breaking in and giving you an opportunity to teach the children something about life, and giving you an opportunity to practice patience, grace, gentleness or any other character lesson He is teaching YOU!

Interruptions are the alarm clock going off, reminding you not to get too caught up in

the busy, but to stop

and 

BE

in the

moment

To be interrupted is a gift.

DEEPression

falling without warning

like thick grey snowflakes

permanently frozen

sucking me under

frosting my windshield

swerving me off the road

into a safe ditch

no more travel today

my mind shuts down

and simple choices become

a herculean effort

laughter and jokes turn to

ugly noise

amplified by nerves on edge

physical touch is painful

friendly advances seem threatening

eyes can't focus on reality

when the flurries come 

sometimes I can make them melt

not today

today it is a blizzard

no tools for escape

hands fall numb and heavy

no help but to sleep

and hope to wake tomorrow

to sunshine

{does any of this ring true for you? if so, there is hope! you can get help...I did. don't give up, dear sister...there is a plan for your life!}

It was lovely...

It was lovely, it really was...
...from start to finish...

 Each year on Christmas Eve when I get ready to pile the gifts under the tree I always think we've not done enough...

that our love for each child might be measured by how many gifts they receive the next morning

or by how much money we spent

But...

Each year as I set everything lovingly under the tree

I am overwhelmed by the reality of how generous the Lord has allowed us to be 

and how generous the Lord is with us

in more ways than just tangible gifts...

When we drove through the devastation that is Joplin on our trip two weeks ago we were brought to tears...

and still I am affected.

Acutely grateful and aware of the ways the Lord has spared us, and so thankful to

{{be}}

with family

in our house

under a roof

in the warmth

with food

our own clothes

fresh water

and 

wrapped gifts

Gifts that we don't NEED

only things that we 

WANT

small tokens

weak gestures

attempts to represent

and symbolize

the most

AMAZING

GIFT

OF

ALL

a tiny baby

helpless in an animal feeding trough

wrapped in strips of dirty rough fabric

here to save

.us.

So...embracing all this, we had a wonderful Christmas. We spent the days with family, crammed in small houses, talking above noisy children, waiting for slow food to cook, cleaning up messes, laughing, hugging, and loving every precious moment of it.

I am ready to put behind me all the tears and unanswered questions of this year and

turn to face the only One who knows the answers

and follow Him into the next year,

the future that only He is certain of...

Worrying about what lies ahead and trying to answer things for myself is too big a burden for me to carry

and I gladly

turn

it 

over

to my Savior,

the precious tiny babe

come to save the world.

Happy New Year!

May you look to Him for the truth, and the true measure of your gifts.

Ephesians 3:20-22

Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.

(kjv)

Merry Merry Christmas!