I feel some depression coming on. Pardon me while I complain, vent, cry, etc.
My life totally SUCKS right now!!! (Well, not really, I have tons that I'm thankful for, just hear me out.) After a bad January full of Marvin's Explorer losing it's transmission and being forced to buy a new car, we're two weeks into Febuary and faced with the aftermath of a car accident and again being forced to buy another new car.

We had plans for Marvin's bonus and our tax return; we were intending to pay off the rest of our kitchen. I'm wandering around in a brain fog, wondering what will happen next. Alec has been sick with a hard-to-get-rid-of cold for the past two weeks, Ava is cutting in two more molars, I got a cold last week after the accident, and now I have a sinus infection, complete with a sinus headache that appears at approximately the same time every day. It feels like someone is chopping me in the eyebrows with a dull ax.

Marvin came home from work Friday and told me that someone had called him from our insurance company and told him that the van was probably totaled and I spent the next hour or so crying. All I could think was that I didn't want another van, I didn't want to go car shopping, and BOOO-HOOO, we had brought Benji and Ava home from the hospital as newborns in that van!!!!

Today, Alec and Benji were invited to a birthday party at a bowling alley. Fun for them and everyone else going who didn't have a very busy and curious 14 month old to keep track of AND a sinus headache. . .I took them there and after tracking down Ava's very expensive shoe that had fallen off and picking up nearly every ball in the place in an attempt to find one that Benji wouldn't drop on his toe, I gave up and came home.
Ava is napping and I'm griping to my computer while I wait for the three Extra Strength Tylenol to do their thing on my pain. . .

Now that I've said all that, let me say this: I love Jesus. I believe wholeheartedly that He is in total control of our family and our situation. I am incredibly grateful for everything, everyday that He has given us. We are so blessed in many, many ways. I know that He will be glorified in our situation, and I am excited to watch Him provide for us.

Just because I'm holding fast to God's promises, though, doesn't mean I'm perfect. Sometimes it's good to get stuff off your chest and then step back and take a look at the bigger picture. I'm typing this to help me get things back into perspective (and so that I don't have to dump it all on the next unsuspecting friend that calls my house!).
I'm going to the grocery store later after the birthday party, so I'm going to jump back into reality and plan our meals for the week now (after my headache goes away!).

3 readers took time to leave a thought:

4 Little Men February 18, 2008 at 12:39 PM  

Oh that does totally suck! I'm sorry to hear about the Van... but maybe you'll get something nicer and it won't be hard. :) I was wondering who's birthday party... sounds like FUN! ha! I'm so sorry you're still not feeling good. Let me know if there is anything I can do.

i'll call you later... my dad is still here celebrating birthdays. :)

Sara Kay February 18, 2008 at 5:10 PM  

Wow...that really is a rough day. Hang in there!

Kate February 18, 2008 at 7:24 PM  

Ahh...feels good to get it off your chest, huh? Sometimes its nice to just complain, be sad, be depressed, feel upset, etc. without any "God strings" attached. I.E.: "God is in control", "it's all in God's timing", "God is sovereign and cares even about this". Because as followers of Jesus, all those things are at the very core of who we are and we know we ALWAYS have those promises. (even if we have to be reminded sometimes!) But sometimes it just help to NOT be instantly reminded and just be allowed to be upset. (Can you tell I have been dealing with this lately and thought alot about it?!) So...I'm glad you had the opportunity to vent and just be upset. But I will also be glad when we get to hear how God provided in ways you could have never imagined! : ) Take care, Kate.

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