Glass houses

~This is for my four closest friends~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My friends have built a house for me
They have given me strong walls and a roof and a floor
They have given me doors and windows that open to the most beautiful views,
and a mailbox that is never filled with junk
They have decorated my house with priceless treasures
and
They have surrounded my house with a top of the line security system

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

.McSarah.
You are my walls, roof and floor
You keep me safe, grounded, and sheltered
You are the guardian of my innermost thoughts
I am free to be completely at home and myself when I'm in the rooms of our friendship
You made my spaces transparent, there is nothing unseen;
In that there is beauty and tranquility

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

.Brittany.
You are my decorator,
You have filled my house with priceless treasures
You have given me the gift of eyes that see the beauty of the world like mine do
and share in my desire to create
loveliness, order, and health in all rooms
of my life
Like an orchid in a greenhouse, I thrive here

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

.SarahL.
You are my doors and windows,
You have made my coming and going simple and meaningful
The doors you give me open easily and wide
and provide boundless opportunities
The windows you give me show me a sharper vision of my place here
You fill my mailbox with words of wisdom and clarity

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

.Beth.
You are my security system,
You keep me hemmed in with prayer and petition to Him who is omnipresent
You are a force to be reckoned with, you battle for me in an unseen arena
You are my watch against the thieves of reality and peace
You give me quiet strength to resist the unwanted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The house my friends built is strong, but made of glass. In the context of true, intimate friendship, nothing is hidden, all is revealed. Trust is given transparently; the beauty of this house is exquisite
Thank you girls, for surrounding me with condition-less love and acceptance. Thank you for your listening ears, your strong shoulders, your indulgent smiles. My life is all the richer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{Oh, and ladies, don't be catty- your names are in no particular order! *grin*}

Exhaustion

My husband has sleep apnea. I've been telling him this for years and finally he gave in to my nagging. After visiting our MD. and taking a written test, he was instructed to go do a sleep study.
I was excited that he was finally going to stop falling asleep at 8:00 every night, but soon realized that a sleep study meant that he'd be spending the night in a bed other than ours, without me.

For some this may not be an issue, but for me it means a night of sitting bolt upright in the bed, flipping channels, and watching the clock until I just pass out. I've never been able to sleep when he's not in bed, even it he's just out in the backyard camping with the boys. Fortunately, his absence from our bed is very infrequent.

Last night was the sleep study. Last night was one of the longest nights of my life. Today is one of the tiredest days of my life. I literally felt like I was going to break in half as I did the dishes.

To help kill some time, I had a friend over after her kids were in bed and we watched some episodes of "17 Kids and Counting" and felt better about our lives!
Then I watched American Idol. Then I watched a show about making lasagna on Food Network. I got really hungry (it was after all, about 8 hours since I ate dinner at 6:00!) and ate something. I don't remember what it was, but I must have finished it because I didn't choke in my sleep!

I think I passed out sometime after 2 am. The sad thing is, my husband who could lay down in the middle of a high school gym during a dodge ball match and fall asleep, hardly slept at all either! He took a picture of himself with his phone and I cracked up when I saw how many wires were coming off of his head and face.

Good news, we have a diagnosis and can do something about it. Bad, very very bad news, he has to go do it all over again, this time with a C-Pap mask on PLUS all the wires.
I'll be better prepared for the next one...I'll rent about 7 movies, buy a couple cartons of ice cream, make some coffee, and hire a sitter for the next day so I can sleep!

Heavenly Peace

Today was so peaceful. I think somehow knowing that we didn't have to face the "trauma" of another school day made us all happier.

Alec was his old, silly self again. He played kindly with Benji all morning and Benji, in turn, was kind to Ava. Around lunch time, Benji went to play with a friend and Alec and I spent time doing math and making Flubber while Ava slept.

Alec, Benji and Daddy are at a Cub Scouts meeting tonight at the local firehouse. No worries about getting home in time because tomorrow is a "school day", no stress for me to hurry and pack Alec's lunch to save time in the morning, no obsessive clock watching this morning or this afternoon to worry about drop off and pick up.

My hope is that all this peacefulness will trickle down and soothe Alec's nervous immune system, and calm his jittery nervous system. He did so well today when I asked him to do his math homework. He sat right down and finished it right away without jumping out of his seat the usual ten thousand times.
Today has made me think twice about homeschooling...

Any successful homeschooling mommas out there care to comment?

p.s. the best part of all of this was that I was calm enough to put Ava on the potty all day! She had NO ACCIDENTS! This is a first in our house, my boys peed all over the place! Please, God, let her be my easy one!

stuff and nonsense

Any one else ever get really, really stupid and cranky during that "special" time of the month? I'm enjoying my week of cotton-headed angst, complete with a toddler with a cold!

I'm freezing cold (another thing that I really enjoy during my "special" time), and sitting here staring down the P.I.L.E. of sewing waiting for me on my work table. A Meeup carrier for a review, three unlined valances for my office, a mound of red fleece for the curtains in the boys room, a naked pillow form that needs to be covered. OH, and I musn't forget the 4 H.U.G.E. rubbermaid containers sitting in the middle of the floor in the office containing the fluff and stuff that make it Christmas-y around here.

We got the outside decorations put up over the weekend, and I'm going gung-ho on the indoor ones, trying to get them finished before Ava's birthday party on Sunday. Shouldn't be a problem, except for the fact that I can't seem to stop wiping Ava's nose or changing my er, well, you-know-what, long enough to even crack the lids on those tubs.

Don't get me wrong, this is N.O.T. a "poor-me" post...just tryin' to keep it real!

Anyone else out there throwing twinkle lights and tinsel at everything right now?

Gentlemen (and ladies), start your engines (and fasten your seatbelts)!

If anyone likes to read about stressful, real life, keep reading. For those of you who will have an increased heart rate or a headache at the mere mention of the "s-word", click on the red X at the top right corner of your screen and read someone else's blog. . .

Since this is Thanksgiving week, also known as Grocery Store Madness, I decided that I needed to get all my shopping done yesterday. I took Alec to school, Ava to my mom's house, and Benji with me. My goal was: return to Carter's, local health food store, grocery store, fabric store, my weekly stop at the Goodwill, a craft store, and the BMV to get my driver's license renewed. All by noon-ish so I could rush back home and get Ava down for her nap. Hm mm, sounds a little impossible, huh! Hey, "Dream Big!", right?

Ok, here we go. . .

Part One:

First stop, BMV. Pull in and realize that they only accept checks or cash and I have neither. Drive to nearest ATM and back to BMV. Overhear the next customer in line being told that they now do accept a credit card (OOOOOH, dang it! wasted gas and time), but it was an extra $6 charge (Whew! it was worth it...)

With new, ugly driver's license tucked safely in my wallet, make the 20 min. drive to the health food store. Purchase a 5lb, $11 bag of spelt flour, some vegan bakery goodies, organic lettuce, and various other checking account-draining items, get to the car and realize why I'm not feeling too great; it's almost lunch time.

Consume two, large, and very tasty cookies from my grocery bags and some coffee-flavored soy milk (ugh!) during the 20 min. drive back, and proceed to make my second attempt to return some clothing at the Carter's store (the first time I went, it was a Sunday morning and they weren't open yet). Back to the car in record time because their computer system had just crashed and they weren't able to do the return...third time's the charm? I think I'll wait a while till I try it again!

It's actually after 11:00 now...panic, call my mom to make sure Ava isn't climbing the blinds or hiding in the bathtub, speed through the parking lot to fabric store. Browse quickly, looking for simple, easily adaptable pattern for toddler jumper, more fabrics for Meeup, and buttons for another project. At the checkout, Benji is falling down on the floor, very loudly claiming that his legs are breaking. Not wanting to look like a mom in-a-hurry-who-knows-that-her-4 year old-is-just-being-dramatic, I carry him out of the store with a glazed over smile pasted on my face.

Realize that it is nearly noon. Panic again. Speed to mom's to pick up Ava, a simple task that took over 30 minutes. Arrive home around 1:30. Ava in bed for a nap, Benji on the couch for quiet time with a movie, I unload the van while trying to figure out how I"m going to make it to the grocery before Grocery Store Madness hits and I have to defend myself with hurled grapefruits as I fight for the last bag of cranberries.

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Part Two: (anyone got a headache or a case of the jitters yet? go ahead and click on that red X if you need to, I promise I won't be mad!)

Thinkin' fast, I decide that if I pack snacks and dinner for the kids and I and we leave at 3:30, we can make it to the craft store, the grocery store, and Walmart and be back by 6:30 to get Alec ready for his Cub Scouts meeting.

Hm mm, it's like I've temporarily left my body and am not remembering all the nightmarish times I've tried to leave the house with all three kids after 4:00.

Plunging ahead into the deep, dark hole of temper tantrums I've dug for myself, I WAKE Ava UP FROM HER NAP (yes, people, I've actually gone crazy by this point) and load everyone, already protesting into the car.

At the craft store, I stuff Ava into the sling, and sprint down the isles with the boys trying to keep up. All is well until we get about 20 feet from the check out. Tantrum #1, not Ava (surprise!), but Alec, who is hoarding a new toy car from Benji. Upon me forcing him to give Benji the car until we get to the next stop, Alec launches into a monotone monologue about how it's not fair that Benji gets the car, and Benji always gets all the cool stuff (right, since Benji is our favorite child, after all!)

You know that Wah-wah-wah voice of the mom on the Peanuts cartoons? I listened to that as I loaded everyone back in to the van, drove to the next parking lot, unloaded everyone, stuffed Ava back into the sling, and headed into Walmart. Oh, no, wait...I listened to that all the way through Walmart and back into the parking lot while Ava threw tantrum #2, screaming in my ear and trying to flip herself backwards out of the sling.

I'm sure we looked like a circus on wheels. . .

By this time it was 6:00, and I just gave up on beating Grocery Store Madness. I headed home, defeated, and put Ava and Benji to bed while Marvin and Alec went to Cub Scouts. After staying up till after midnight watching The Phantom of the Opera at a friends house, I finally crashed at around 1:00 am.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part Three: (need directions to that red X yet?)

For some reason I made the brilliant decision to attempt that grocery store run this morning. Pooh-poohing the fact that I was helping a friend with something around 10:00, and another friend at around 4:00, I raced to get everyone ready and out the door before school. After dropping Alec and two friends off at school late, I dashed over to Kroger for 5 items.

It'll be quick, I told myself. The kids will be fine, I'll just let them ride in one of the car-carts and inform them ahead of time that there will be no pinching, biting or hitting (must have forgotten that they are 4 and 2). Within 30 seconds of entering the store, Ava was in full-blown tantrum mode. Shunning the very unwieldy car-cart for something a little easier to maneuver with one hand, I tucked my flailing toddler under my arm, pasted an I've-got-this-under-control smile on my face and prayed fervently that she would not kick anybody.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I will not bore you with the tedium of the rest of the day. I will say, however, that I am beyond exhausted. The past two weeks have been much like the past two days, and I'm in desperate need of a break. I actually (very very very briefly) entertained the thought this afternoon of palming my red-hot stove burner so that my 2nd degree burns would give me a legitimate reason to sign out for a while!

Strangely, though, I'm not at all depressed. Despite the busyness, I crave the cozy closeness that we create here during the holiday season. This is my favorite time of year.

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If anyone laughed out loud or got a headache while reading this, please leave a comment! Or, of course, any of you who would like to boast that they have never ever had a day like this and that their kids most definitely do not throw tantrums in public places, you all can feel free to comment, also!

This weekend we. . .

. . .did a whole lot of nothin'!

Marvin came home in the early afternoon on Friday and I left to do some errands and shopping WITHOUT MY KIDS!!!! Oh yeah. It was nice.

He and the kids met me later and we ate (for only $23) at Chipotle. Then we headed to Macy's where I allowed Ava to try on 4 or 5 very sparkly, very twirly, holiday dresses. After donning each one, she would run out of the fitting room, say "LOOK Daddy!" (she's still working on sentences) spin around in circles and then yell, " 'nother one!" and head back to the room. Despite the "oooh-ing" and "ahhh-ing" from the male half of our family, we didn't purchase a dress. The average price was $72, not something I'm willing to fork over for a one-time wear.

On Saturday we just sat around. It was really strange to not have plans or have a big project to work on. I did take Ava to the store before her nap, where she threw one of the biggest public tantrums she's had to date. At the checkout, she squirmed out of her stroller and laid down on the floor. As I finished paying and smiling cheerfully at the onlookers, she rolled side to side, kicking and screaming. It was lovely.

On Sunday after church we ran errands together (which, strangely, is one of my favorite things to do...). Ava took a late nap while Marvin and Alec had a cub scouts outing and Benji and I did some more nothin'. Marvin and I wrapped up the weekend with a movie and left-over birthday cake last night.

Aaaaaah! Nothin' like a weekend of nothin' to send me into a busy week, totally relaxed. . .

Um. . .

nothing exciting. . .

~marvin is off today, we're taking out all the window air-conditioners (we have no central air) and putting up our storm windows

~I stood in the rain and cold for an hour yesterday with Ava and Benji so I could watch Alec and his group of cubscouts march in our Veteran's Day parade

~progress is slow on Ava's Christmas dress. I think I've finalized the design, but for some reason I'm dragging my feet on making the muslin pattern. Still can't decide if I want to use velvet or not

~it's sunny today, but VERY cold. We need to finish raking up the leaves in the front yard

~we only have one window in our bedroom; I washed it today inside and out and our room is brighter and sunnier! (it's been a little too long since I did that)

~we celebrated my birthday over the weekend. One party here with my parents, one party at my MIL's house with my SIL's and nephew and niece. My real birthday is this Friday. Marvin won't be home for it, he's going hunting

~alec got glasses, but he's only a tad farsighted. He only needs them for homework and computer time. He looks really cute in them, like a little scientest

This is what I told my boys this morning regarding the election: "People make mistakes, God doesn't!"

A friend sent me this verse in an email and it is relevant now more than ever:
Isaiah 14:24; 26-27a, "The Lord Almighty has sworn, "Surely, as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will stand. This is the plan determined for the whole world; this is the hand stretched out over all nations. For the Lord Almighty has purposed, and who can thwart him?"

As we mull over the devastating (or not, depending on your moral values) consequences of the choice our nation made yesterday, let us not forget that indeed, our mighty, sovereign Lord is ultimately who we serve. He is never swayed from His plan and never stumbles over our hasty decisions and mindless mistakes.

My resolve is that much stronger to live in today, cherishing each sweet moment with my children and gently guiding them towards their Saviour.

Sea Creatures

If we could see fear, I'd imagine it would look something like an octopus. My octopus rides on my neck with many of it's tentacles over my eyes to block out the truth, and some of it's tentacles on my head to edit my imagination.

I've struggled with the fear octopus for many years. It grew more tentacles and became more difficult to pry off when I had children. I've recently addressed the issue to a group of moms and received several confessions in return by women who had their own octopuses.

It seems to me that the caretakers of life are the ones who are most vulnerable to this sea-creature of the mind. For me, the fear results from my seeming need to control the environment around my children and husband. It is my instinct as a mother and indeed sometimes vital to orchestrate the details of their daily routine.

"From everyone who has been given much, much will be required" Luke 12:48. We, who have been given the amazing, enormous task of nurturing life, will be required to then turn it over, completely, no strings attached, to the Creator of that life.

I don't know about you, but I'm afraid to let go! It's not natural, it hurts, and I always imagine the worst. Well, it's not ME imagining that stuff, it's my octopus blocking my vision from the truth that my Creator is sovereign. It's my octopus editing my imagination to see Alec getting beat up on the playground instead of Alec befriending the bully. To see Marvin in his newly-wrecked car on the side of the road instead of him walking in the door to kiss me after work.

If we could see our Creator in this context, I imagine He'd look something like the Coast Guard, coming at our octopus, striking it down and freeing our hearts and minds. There is liberty in letting go, freedom in "falling into trust" with our Saviour.

I let go today. I sent Alec off with clean clothes, clean hair, and a smile on his face to a unique adventure. A rare opportunity to see "behind the scenes" at an air force base, and afterwards to a production by the local children's theater. He went with his best friends, their Papa and Jesus. Not with me. I can't wait to hear how much fun he had.

Stuff and Nonsense

Ok, either my Thursday's Treasures post was really lame or no one read my blog that day...
Sorry you all! Look for a delicious Zutano find in this week's post.

Here's something funny:

Note to self~ don't wear low-rise jeans on a hayride! Tee-hee!
We went on the annual Fall Fun event for Cubscouts last night. One long hayride out to an open field and bonfire, games, smores, bobbing for apples, and then one long hayride back to our car. Fun, but cold, and I don't know anyone else there except my husband and kids. I wasn't feeling very social, just enjoying the fact that my MIL came to sit with Ava at our house and that meant I didn't have to keep her from singeing her eyelashes in the fire or closely inspecting the port-a-potties!

This morning, Ava's a bit psycho, doing the baby monkey on speed routine again, so I"m quickly getting all the necessities done (like blogging! LOL!) while she's napping. . .

Laundry's calling. . .

Get in the backseat, housework! My kids are riding shotgun today!

This was my prayer today at our mom's group:

"Lord, please help me to wake up each morning with the goal of teaching my kids to serve You, not with a goal of figuring out how to get my housework accomplished in record time.

Shift my focus onto my real job; the description of which reads: Raise responsible, compassionate, hardworking children that love and serve God over all else.

Teach me daily how to teach them, and how to learn from them. They are infinitely more important than having spotless bathrooms and made-up beds."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Most of the time, I spend the day trying to figure out how to distract my current toddler so that I can "finish" my housework. The funny thing is, that alone (distracting the toddler) is a full day's work, and housework NEVER gets finished; it's just a way of life. The same way you shave your legs every day or get a haircut every 4 weeks. The mess always grows back!

What a wasteful way to spend my time as the mother of young children. This all goes back to my earlier post about just "being" in the moment with my precious blessings. At the same time, though, where is the balance between this and living an orderly life? Clutter does get in the way of our hearts and minds and will suffocate us if not kept under control.

I have no easy answers. I know only this: God has called me to raise these three children, "arrows in my quiver", to spread His gospel. God has also called me to be a wife, friend, daughter, and homemaker. He has given me the gift of servant hood, hospitality, and creativity. If I daily, even hourly, turn what I falsely see as MY time over to Him, he will make a beautiful painting out of each day He has given me.

"Lord, I want to fall into You. Tear my fingers away from the death-grip I have on controlling my clutter. Unclutter my mind and heart. Show me how to unclutter my earthly space so that it's only glorifying to You, not a reflection of me."

I Know it's Fall...

...when all the local farms open to the public and offer hayrides and pick-your-own-pumpkins.

We visited this one on Sunday with my sister in law and her family. The girls pelted each other with straw

while Alec did his best Spidey impression on a pivoting suspended ladder in the barn. He actually did make it all the way to the top but couldn't reach the bell to ring.

One of the favorite activites was rolling around in these giant tubes like hamsters in a ball. The boys were laughing hysterically

as was I, while my sister in law gave me a ride to the bottom of the hill.

Later that evening, Marvin commented to me how much he enjoyed seeing me act (and I quote), "silly and youthful". "You're always so serious," he told me.
I chewed on that all weekend. I wasn't insulted, it just called to light something that has been ready to emerge for discussion. I do need to find more ways to lighten up and be a kid again.

How do you act like a kid when you're trying to be a parent?
Something to think about...

Life as We Know It

Eleven years ago today I married my best friend, my soul mate, the other half of my heart.

We met in high school when I was a freshman and Marvin was a junior. He chased me and I played hard to get until I graduated. We started dating then and and never looked back.

He proposed to me on Christmas Eve in the snow, on a ledge overlooking a ravine with white tipped firs and a waterfall stilled by the cold. I felt like I was on top of the world, and the fact that my new engagement ring didn't fit didn't matter.

I finished cosmetology school before we got married, and then we moved into a tiny apartment close to my salon and Marvin's bank. We spent our honeymoon on a tropical beach, making sun-kissed memories that we'll never forget.

When we said "I do" it was as natural to us as breathing. There was never any whisper of doubt in our minds that we were created by our Heavenly Father to be life-long companions, till death do us part.

I can not even imagine a more perfect partner for me to stumble through life with. He's the logical answer to my creativity. I'm the organization for his chaos. He's the net under my maternal tightrope. I'm the laughter for his jokes. He holds the key to my heart.

I love you, honey. I'd say "I do" all over again!

Powerless

It's a beautiful day today. Mid 70's, bright blue sky, white puffy clouds, slight breeze. No sign of the dark sky and angry winds that sent tornadoes of green leaves and sticks down the street yesterday and smashed porches and cars with limbs of ancient trees.

Other than the large piece of our back yard tree that landed in the middle of the grass, our house and property were spared. We did spend the last 30 hours or so without electricity. Small potatoes compared to the devastation that the hurricane left down south. Not small potatoes compared to the conditions we're used to living under!

It's funny when a key part of our way of life is removed, we're almost completely paralyzed. I just couldn't think of what we normally do when we have power. My boys were fighting, the baby was fussing, and I was loosing my mind. I tried to think how I would feed us for the next 48 hours (the power company promised that the power would be on by Wed. night at the latest) without the use of our stove or refrigerator.

I had a chiropractors appointment this morning, but couldn't get through to the office to find out if they were still seeing patients. School was cancelled, so I packed all three kids into the car and then realized that I had no gas. The first station I came to had signs up saying, "Cash only". In a panic, I spent my only $10 cash on gas for $3.99/gallon and then broke down in tears. The thought of not having enough gas to drive to a bank to get more cash to I could get more gas just sent me over the edge.

I told myself, "Get a grip, sister!", found a gas station that did have power, and then spent the morning with Sarah at a local park. After lunch, another friend who lives a block away from me called my cell phone and told me that our power had been restored.

I spent the rest of the afternoon opening and closing the refrigerator and listening to the distant hum of chainsaws as our neighborhood cut it's way out of the wreckage. I just found out that our state has been declared in a state of emergency, and in our county alone over 36,000 homes are still without electricity.

When I was at home Sunday and this morning, I kept telling myself that it was OK. Look around, our house is still standing, dry and intact. We're fine and our kids are fine and our property is fine. Somehow it didn't matter. Without power, our house felt like a gilded prison cell. Like it was mocking me when I habitually flipped on light switches or reached for the phone. My "power" truly felt gone.

I am intensely grateful that we were spared any damage, and have a new appreciation for what the victims of natural disasters experience all over the world. Oh, and I hope school still isn't closed tomorrow!

Nothing to say. . .

I've sat down at least three times today to write a post and it seems that I have nothing to say. Nothing profound, nothing witty, nothing interesting or educational. I'm not exactly depressed, more like in a flat spot. So, here's all I've got:

Ava said "I love you" to me yesterday in her tiny, pixie baby voice. I'm sure an iceberg or two melted in Alaska when she uttered that precious phrase. I just about cried a river. See, Ava's a bit of a mommy's girl. (OK, that's putting it very mildly) I am fully aware of how she feels about me. But somehow, that knowledge doesn't quell the exasperation I feel when she's 6 inches from me during her every waking hour. That includes following the vacuum around, following me upstairs when I put away laundry, and of course following me into the bathroom. So, when she actually verbalized to me what all that elfin stalking represented, it was like a curt rebuke from my heavenly Father. I'm not perfect and no overnight change of heart will occur, but surely this newly coined three word phrase will be like cool rain on my often hot temper.

I've redone my FlyLady routines and the house is staying relatively neat and tidy. Strangely, as much as I despise clutter and general dirtiness, I have a very hard time staying in my routine. I have always had a very rebellious nature, and sometimes I feel the need to rebel against myself by just stepping over the same pair of shoes a hundred times instead of picking them up.

I'm hosting our mom's group this fall. We meet on Wednesdays. I love to host, but don't necessarily love to clean up the mess that 5 toddlers and three 4 year olds leave in their wake! We have wonderful group, right now we're studying the book "Having a Mary Heart" by Joanna Weaver. It's a great book, full of spiritual insights and practical applications to real life. Yesterday we talked about speaking the truth in love. How to confront a friend if they are straying spiritually, while having a godly, humble attitude. Tough stuff to do!

I'm still listening to Parenting with Love and Logic and am struggling with how to apply that advice to our situation. Alec is a bit of a fighter and an independent thinker; qualities that will serve him well in adult life, but qualities that are a bit challenging to deal with as a parent. Things are getting better, though.

A good friend of mine has recently gone through a very traumatic situation. She's struggling to cope and I'm struggling with how to be her friend during this. Should I stay away and give her space? Should I waltz in and offer pleasant, girly distractions from the depression that's written all over her face? Questions floating around daily, still not sure what the answer is. The only sure thing I'm able to do is pray, and pray I have, in a BIG way!

A very busy weekend is coming; we have two birthday parties and another party for the boys to attend. Somewhere in there we'll be going to church and maybe, just maybe, squeezing in some "just family" time. We've tried for the last month or two to make Sundays off limits to any plans or commitments, and to reserve it for just us or working around the house on a project. So far it's been working, and a very nice way to reconnect before heading into another busy week.

The Son is Shining

"If I could define myself as a mom right now, it would be: angry, impatient, critical, and just generally grouchy." What?? Yes, it's true. I said this to a dear friend yesterday in search of some advice.

The thing she said to me that stuck out like a neon sign was, "When you're with your kids, just be." Even now as I'm typing that, it brings tears.

I constantly feel this overwhelming urge to look at the big picture. How can I use this moment to teach them some profound lesson about adult life? If they don't get along now will they be dysfunctional as adult siblings? If my boys disrespect me will they disrespect their wives? And how exactly, is all that relevant to the squabble between my 4 year old and my toddler about a train car?

Just "being" requires exactly that. Just dealing with what's right in front of me at that exact moment. I made a comment to my husband the other day regarding the current political race. He was wondering why I wasn't more interested in what would possibly shape the nation's future for our children. "I'm only interested in what's in front of me right now", I told him. "There's nothing more important to me than taking care of my family, today." If only I had actually heard what I had said to him!

I've been doing a lot of praying and thinking about how to apply this new-to-me notion of just "being" to my daily interactions with my kids. I won't say the Lord has changed my heart overnight; I'm sure this will be another long lesson for me in my journey to being a fruit-bearing woman of God. He did however, grant me a slice of "Sonlight" through my cloud this morning.

Alec held my hand as we walked to school. I enjoyed the quiet closeness instead of needing that extra hand to push the stroller.

On the way back, I listened to the clattering of Benji's big wheel on the sidewalk as I watched him deliver imaginary packages. "Special delivery for John Brown!" he would say as he heaved one in each direction. I marveled at his creativity, his skill at simultaneously riding and pretending to throw with both hands and his total adorable-ness instead of barking at him to go faster because we were hot.

Halfway home, I looked down and saw Ava in the stroller snuggling her Glow Worm and then giving it a drink from her sippy cup. The joy and astonishment of having a daughter washed over me all over again.

I am profoundly grateful to my Lord and Savior for granting me the honor of being a mother to each one of my kids. I love them and want their childhoods to be just that. A childhood. Not filled with growing-up lessons or the critical words of an over-achieving mother.

I truly believe that if I just be with them and focus on just one battle at a time, not the entire war, the big picture will be bright and sunny.

Desperate Times Call For. . .

DESPERATE MEASURES!! Arrrgh! I'm about to pull my hair out with frustration. Yeah, I know most people don't expect their boys to actually keep their rooms clean for real. I however, am not most people. I have very high expectations when it comes to teaching my kids (boys especially) to clean up after themselves.

I live with a wonderfull man who has many traits that I would want my boys to emulate. But, you guessed it, he's not so adept in the putting things back where they came from department. For whatever reason, that talent escapes him.

I have tried every strategy I know for the boys room. Here's what usually unfolds:

I step on one too many tiny Legos with my bare feet.

I shoo the boys out for the afternoon and spend several hours sorting, re-organizing, and bagging up stuff to donate.

I use the newly cleaned-by-me-and-not-them room as a teachable moment to explain to them what the word "grace" means. This lesson is usually interrupted by Benji's shooting and driving noises as he dumps out bins in search of his favorite toys that I've moved.

I tell the boys kindly but firmly that each night before bed they are to pick up everything they got out, and that if they do it each night it will only take 5 minutes.

I tell Marvin (he's usually the one that puts them to bed) that he should supervise them picking up each night and if they do it each night it should only take 5 minutes.

I go in their room what seems like a day later and blink in amazement at what appears to be a toy hurricane that has swallowed their room.

"Honey!" I shout, "Didn't you have them pick up last night (and the night before and the night before)?" Since I don't really need that question answered, I back slowly out of the room pretending that I don't see it and maybe it will go away.

Tonight I told Alec that I couldn't stand to be in his room, that it was so messy it made me want to vomit. Yes, I know that probably isn't right up there with good parenting tactics, but it sure made me feel a teeny weeny bit better to say it.

After what seems to be several years of running in this same circle, I'm ready to do something really drastic. It occurred to me that even though the boys would be furious and there would be much weeping and pleading when I toted two thirds of their toys to the local Goodwill store, I would actually be doing them a favor.

My theory is this: IF they had so few toys that it only took them 10 minutes to pick up their entire room (instead of an hour!), THEN instead of me spending time telling them to clean up and them spending time doing it, they would have more time to play. Sounds simple, right?

Something tells me it's not going to be that easy. . .

Rx For My Problems!

I was re-reading some old posts and came across this one. I'm posting it again to remind myself to keep it all in perspective.
Oh, and the picture is another fabulous view at Lakeside!

Monday, May 5, 2008

The Side Effects of Life

I was grumbling a bit as I vaccumed today. As I used the hose and crevice tool, I inwardly complained about how messy three children could leave a house. I was wondering what dried up piece of food I'd find next, when I felt a gentle nudging in my spirit. "Shelly!" the Holy Spirit rebuked me, "these are just the side effects of the rich life I've given you."

How selfish we sometimes are, whining about the side effects of life, instead of rejoicing in the cure for our "disease", Jesus Christ! Let's thank Him that we have a house to clean, and kids to clean up after. Thank Him that we can see the sun, instead of griping about how hot it is (or soon will be!) outside. Thank Him that we have a car to drive where we need to, instead of complaining about the high price of gas.

I know this sounds like one of those corny forwards that circulate in our email boxes, but please take this to heart. Our lives are a blink of an eye; let's not waste them complaining about the side effects!

Sunny Days

Ok, here's my massive post about our vacation! I took over 400 pictures, and these are most of my favorites. I realize not everyone enjoys other people's vacation photos, but since this is my digital scrapbook, I had to post all of them. My apologies!

We were actually all sick when we left. This has never happened to us before and we were just a tad unhappy about it. Marvin and I thought we may have had strep, so we took all 5 us to the doctor on Friday before we left. A hundred dollars later, we walked out of the office with the depressing news that we all just had a REALLY mean virus.

For 4 nights I had to take 6 Tylenol each night just so I could sleep through the pain of my throat. The day we got there Ava had a fever and Benji was coughing like a seal (the doctor told us that he had croup). However, God is good. He held us all together, and by Tuesday we had turned a corner and our feeling sick no longer took center stage.

We had a lovely time after that, a time of sweet relaxation and enjoying each other's company. The cottage we rented this time was darling; quite small compared to our house here, but it had that quirky, kitchsy cottage-y feeling that more than made up for it.

We spent the days playing on the beach, playing shuffleboard, taking walks, listening to live music, eating, shopping (anyone jealous yet? *grin*), and the best part: sitting around doing absolutely nothing!

Hope you enjoy the photos. Oh, and if there are any of my family members looking at these, please leave a comment so I know you were here!

Random Part 2

So today my throat is a tad better, Benji is still coughing but it is loose now, Alec now has a sore throat, Marvin is some better, but we both drank a shot of vodka last night to burn our throats and help us sleep (works great!!), and Ava was up for about two hours in the middle of the night coughing and still has a runny nose.

I finally made my lists yesterday. My "To Take" lists took up two entire sheets of notebook paper and I was using abbreviations such as "8 shorts", "3 sheet sets", etc. I also have a "To Do" list broken down into three days (today, tomorrow and Saturday morning), which of course includes things like clean the bathrooms, vacuum and dust.

Today was my day to make a couple of meals to freeze, clean the bathrooms, finish the laundry, and several more things. So what have I gotten finished so far? Well, I went up and re-arranged Ava's room and got out all of her fall clothes so I could see what I still needed to buy for her. And no, that wasn't on the list!!!!

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME????!!! Maybe I'm a closet procrastinator. . .