just talking again...

i feel flat, uncertain, lonely

desperately wanting to feel something other than this

caught up in the tumble crash of stress and work

too much noise prevents me from hearing my Jesus

all i hear now are things i don't want to,

telling me

i'm not good at teaching my kids

i'm not doing enough for them, spending enough time with them

i'm not working hard enough or fast enough- look at all the things piling up that need my immediate attention

i had such peace after my tiny babe went to be with Jesus

peace like a river washing over me

words of encouragement about freedom from my mind as a battleground

uplifting prayer for my heart

now something's changed

I've lost focus, 

trying to see but the view is cloudy, distorted

i feel alone

there is no one to share this

everyone around me is caught up in their own busyness

Jesus is the only one and He is enough

but right now i can't hear Him because my life is too noisy

not sure what to do to pull the plug

i have to cook, clean, teach, minister grace and care to my family

take the kids to their activities that they love

tend to my husband's needs

be a friend, a listening ear and compassionate shoulder

stopping {life} would be self-serving

not accomplishing the goal

the noise would rise instead of diminish

something has to change inside of me

the tears need to come and wash away the clutter in my mind and heart

i need to be still and know

that i am where i need to be

and that Jesus is enough.