just talking again...

i feel flat, uncertain, lonely
desperately wanting to feel something other than this
caught up in the tumble crash of stress and work
too much noise prevents me from hearing my Jesus

all i hear now are things i don't want to,
telling me
i'm not good at teaching my kids
i'm not doing enough for them, spending enough time with them
i'm not working hard enough or fast enough- look at all the things piling up that need my immediate attention

i had such peace after my tiny babe went to be with Jesus
peace like a river washing over me
words of encouragement about freedom from my mind as a battleground
uplifting prayer for my heart

now something's changed
I've lost focus, 
trying to see but the view is cloudy, distorted

i feel alone
there is no one to share this
everyone around me is caught up in their own busyness
Jesus is the only one and He is enough
but right now i can't hear Him because my life is too noisy

not sure what to do to pull the plug
i have to cook, clean, teach, minister grace and care to my family
take the kids to their activities that they love
tend to my husband's needs
be a friend, a listening ear and compassionate shoulder

stopping {life} would be self-serving
not accomplishing the goal
the noise would rise instead of diminish

something has to change inside of me
the tears need to come and wash away the clutter in my mind and heart
i need to be still and know
that i am where i need to be
and that Jesus is enough.

5 readers took time to leave a thought:

Georgi October 29, 2010 at 8:24 AM  

You are so eloquent! You have put into words exactly how I have been feeling. Thank you. And thank you for the reminder that Jesus is enough. Praying for you today.

11arrows October 29, 2010 at 8:50 AM  

Praying for you! I have been there! He will see you through, just keep asking Him to fill you even when you don't feel He is! His strength is made perfect when we are weak! He gives us hope when all hope is gone!
Love you!

4 Little Men and Girly Twins October 29, 2010 at 10:51 AM  

Praying for you always! I hear everything you are saying, so well, and I know it's pain. You are one of the most amazing, smart, loving, beautiful people I know and you will get through this!!!!!

lots of love and hugs 1200 miles away.

oh and we can talk again today... I charged my phone. :)


Aleah October 31, 2010 at 1:06 PM  

I feel it also and can relate to what you just wrote.

Jesus IS enough!

Why do I always have to remind myself that time after time? : )

Michelle Jamie November 10, 2010 at 1:58 PM  

I'm right where you are (in this post as least) :)

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