I think I'm alone now...

For the first time...in 11 years of being a parent...I actually did it.

I broke down...and WANTED to be alone!

Weird...

I LOVE to be with  my kids, and so enjoy watching every little moment of their fast, young lives unfold right in front of me...and we homeschool...and don't really agree with having a dozen, frantic "extra" activities...so they literally are with me ALL the time.

I'm never alone...even in the bathroom!

And I'm not by any means complaining...

I just started feeling stretched thin, dried up, uninspired, disconnected...completely and utterly incapable in all areas of my life. So I asked...I asked the Lord if this was the right thing to do...and then I asked my husband...and I asked my parents to help out.

And yesterday morning, Marvin AND all the kids "left for work" at 8am, and came home at 8pm.

No one asking for food 5 times an hour, no sounds of squabbling upstairs, no lost toys, no math to teach, no arguments to resolve, no feelings of frustration because I can't get accomplished what needs to be done...

just peace

and stillness

I actually kept forgetting that I was truly alone and kept listening for the kids to be coming downstairs in the morning. It took several hours for it to finally sink in!

I thought I'd miss them, that I'd wander aimlessly through the house and maybe even cry a bit if I put laundry away in their rooms.

I did cry...but only because I was throwing myself at the feet of my Savior...begging and pleading for the end of my drought, crying out for wisdom and inspiration, yearning for spiritual insight into their lives, petitioning Christ for their hearts and souls...laying it all down on the line and asking...

And I didn't miss them.

And I'm not ashamed to say that.

It's normal and it was very much needed. For someone who never, ever gets a respite from the hardest job on the face of the earth...even on family vacation...it was just time. Just for one day...or maybe a couple more days down the road.