Today was the day. When I opened the drivers side door, I instantly felt shaky and my neck and back started to hurt like it was right after the crash. I was prepared to feel a little sad, saying goodbye, but not prepared for an actual physical reaction. It was really strange. . .

If you look closely at the center of the picture, you can see the light blue thing hanging down under the headlight. That, my friends, is the wiper fluid tank, and it is completely full. How do I know this? On the morning of the accident, I was trying to spray the windshield to clean it and nothing came out. I just assumed that it was frozen, but brilliant Sarah in the seat beside me suggested that we buy some fluid and see if it needed to be filled up.
Now, I've never done anything to the van except fill it with gas and clean it. Sarah, however, talked me through it. She told me what fluid to buy at the gas station, and held the hood up because we couldn't figure out how to make that stick thingy fit in the right holes to prop it. I was so proud of myself, but hey- at least I'll know how to fill it up in our new van!

I initially thought there wasn't much to take out, just some maps and a couple of bags to be donated to the Goodwill store. I was pretty suprised when I opened the sliding door and saw the front bumper, other assorted bits of the front end, and what looked like several shovel-fulls of road gravel and broken glass! I guess that's one way to clean up the road after an accident. . .

Finally, here's Marvin, trying his hand at stereo-removal. We had recently purchased a stereo and our insurance company said that since it was an after-market, it was considered personal property and we could remove it. We were excited, because the new (used) car that Marvin just got doesn't have a working CD player in it, so we'll put this one in.

The only other thing that I wish I could have taken out of the van was our Lakeside sticker from the back window. It makes me happy and I look forward to summertime every time I see it. We'll have to wait till August when we go again to get another one. We're still "Lakesiders", though, even without our sticker!

I didn't cry when we drove away from the van, but I cried later after dinner. I don't know what it is about the van; I guess I spend so much time in it, taking the kids here and there and we spend long hours in it going on vacation- it just starts to seem like another room of our house. It's so silly to get so attached to a mode of transportation; it might have been especially hard because we weren't selling it purposefully to another family, we are just being forced to sign it over to the insurance company so they can sell its parts.

I thought I'd be able to settle for another color of van as a replacement, but I'm thinking I may change my mind. . .
Or maybe the tan one, fully loaded, with leather seats that we looked at over the weekend will change my mind back again?

Well, here I am again! I have lots to update on; some musings on makeup, a fun sewing project, how I treat my kids for colds and flu. Today, though, here's the latest. . .

Last Friday, Sarah and I had taken Noah (her 4 year old), Benji and Ava to COSI (for those of you who don't live around here, it's our local children's museum) for the morning. We were on our way home after lunch and were hit by another car as we were making a left hand turn. I was driving, and all I remember was hearing Sarah in the passenger seat scream, being really annoyed that there were white things in front of me that blocked my view (the airbags), and then finally actually feeling the crash and realizing what had happened.

I had a really hard time dealing with the aftermath. I laid in bed for two days straight afterwards. Every time I closed my eyes I could hear Sarah's warning scream, the mean, concrete crush of the cars hitting together, and Benji screaming in panic and terror. My body hurt so badly, and all I could think of was "what if. . ." If I had been going about 1 second faster, the car would have plowed into Sarah's door, about two seconds faster, and it would have hit Ava's door.

At some point during those two days, my mind started replaying more than just the sounds of the accident and I remembered something that I had told Benji on the way home afterwards. "Did you know that Jesus had His arms around us when we crashed?", I said to him. "Well, mom", Benji said indignantly, "I didn't see any arms!". It made others chuckle when I told them, but as I thought about it, I realized that if I looked closer, I really would be able to see His arms. They're Sarah and Noah and Ava, who walked away totally unharmed, they're the kind, capeable police officers who came before we thought to call them, they're the auto engineers who thought of "crumple zones" for the front ends of cars, they're the fact that I'm sitting here today typing this and not in a hospital with a broken body.

I could fill the rest of the page with examples, but I think you get the point. I'm no longer chewing on the guilty thoughts of being a bad driver, endangering the lives of my friends and children, or worring about the insurance companies. I'm reminding myself each time I see the palm-sized bruise on my knee that it's there because my Heavenly Father was squeezing me so tightly to keep me safe.

I did sustain some minor injuries; bruising on my left knee, bruising on my chest and abdomen where the seatbelt was, a burn on my left hand from the airbag chemicals, and spinal and muscular damage. Benji's neck was hurt, but we're both being treated by our chiropractor and are feeling almost totally better.

In case anyone is curious, I did get cited for the accident, simply because of where I was at the time. Accidents are called "accidents" for a reason, but there is still the law that has to be satisfied. We're waiting to hear from our claims adjuster about the liability, best case scenario would be that they would be able to get some admission of guilt from the other driver and our insurance company would only have to pay for the repairs on our vehicle.

I'm sure someone has read all the way to the end of this and is still wondering what in the world that picture of Alec and Ava has to do with any of this. . .
That picture is evidence of the distinct benefit of having a school-aged child who can read and a toddler who loves books! Alec kept Ava so happy for lots of the time that mommy was in bed trying to hide from the world and recover. Thanks, "Ah-yah" (as Ava calls him)! And thanks, Marvin, for keeping the kids fed, happy, and doing the dishes from Friday night till last night! (I got a cold on the tail end of accident recovery!) I'm sure you'll be very relieved to come home from work tonight and find me up, dressed, and smell dinner on the stove. I can't promise the house will be cleaned, though, because Benji is sick now!