6/28/2008

Cosmic City Part Five

Whew! Last night was absolutely unbearable. I actually had a better attitude going into it, but it soured with each song we sang. It was parent night, so it ended early and Marvin was there with us. As soon as the kids were dismissed to the ice cream party, we were outta there as fast as we possibly could be.

I woke up this morning groggy and with that buzzy feeling in the back of my head that I get when I'm about to get sick. We spent the morning at my mother-in-law's house hanging up some pictures and moving some furniture for her (she just moved back in after the fire clean up crew finished up from the fire she had last Christmas Eve).

I spent the rest of the day downing vitamin C, minerals, sesame seed oil and various other immune-boosting potions and laying on the couch with a headache. We were supposed to teach Sunday school tonight at the 6:00 service, but called and said we just couldn't make it. My kids looked like wilted flowers all day, and I couldn't bear the thought of using my "teacher voice" again so soon.

Here's the conclusion I've come to about VBS this year:
I've had a bit of trouble discerning if the disastrous week was a result of spiritual warfare because I was choosing to serve Jesus, or if it was a result of a poor, selfish choice on my part and I was reaping the consequences.

I do believe that I made a selfish choice. I gave absolutely no thought to the ramifications that a week-long, four hour evening commitment would have on my family. I think I just chose to do it because I thought I should, that as a children's ministry worker it was expected of me. Perhaps it was expected, but more important is what the Lord expects of me as a priority; my duty as a mother and a wife.

People like me who are gifted in the area of serving others struggle with over-commitment, and a false sense of duty and obligation to those around them instead of to the Lord. This has taught me a valuable lesson. While I enjoy fulfilling part of my purpose and using my God-given gifts and talents, I need to temper that with prayerfulness and caution that I'm doing it for His glory, not my own, not to make myself look like super-woman.

I will no longer carelessly heap opportunities to serve on myself. I will seek His guidance in which to choose so that I might glorify the Lord and represent His heart to the ones I serve. Lord, I pray that I might serve with humility, gladness, grace and an abundance of Your love.

2 readers took time to leave a thought:

4 Little Men & Twins June 28, 2008 at 10:39 PM  

Wonderfully put! Your gracious giving is a gift from God and I'm so excited to read what you said.

Brittany

Faith Hope Love Mama June 30, 2008 at 12:27 PM  

You and I sound so similar in our ability to serve but struggle with knowing if it's the right thing to do. I'm glad you made it through. I have one month to look forward to the week of torture. I can't seem to muster one good thought about it. I know it's terrible. It's just how I feel also.

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