I Love It, I Love It Not

We are at a turning point. For the first time EVER in the history of Marvin and I being parents, we are having a disagreement about the path to take with one of the kids. It's major, it's about education. Where, when, by whom?

I've always loved the idea of home school. For me, I feel like it's my responsibility to teach my own kids, not to send them off to some other person for their education. Now before all the anonymous nasty comments, let me say that that's just MY opinion for MYSELF. Not anyone else. There are wonderful teachers out there, I had some wonderful teachers when I went to school. There are also many great schools out there, public and private. Now then, let's move on!

I'm also somewhat selfish. I really, really like the quiet afternoons when I'm free to do my thing. Ava's napping, Benji's playing in his room, Alec's at school, I'm sewing or cooking or cleaning or reading or whatever suits me for an hour or so. Ahhhhh...stress lifts for a moment.

We have had some issues with Alec this year at school. Several health issues that we have pinned down to an allergen in the school building. Also, an academic conundrum, a catch 22, so to speak. One that would be completely and totally solved if we were to teach him at home.

Here's the problem: Marvin has very limited knowledge about home schooling, and has had very little exposure to families that do so. Because of that, he was quite resistant to even discussing the issue at all. We came to an agreement that he would do some research on his own, and we would talk with several homeschooling families similar to ours, asking them to share their experiences and reasons for doing so.

Meanwhile, I myself was not totally sold on it. While I like the idea of it, I waver back and forth, thinking about the fact that I'd be with all the kids, all day, all week. Oh, but that's ultimately what I want, right? Well, yes, but IS that what I want or is it just what I SHOULD want? And what about the clutter? Have any of you ever been into a "home school house"? Have you seen the stacks of curriculum and papers leaning against the walls and invading the kitchen counters?

So last night, I sat down and wrote two lists. One titled, " Why I don't want to home school", and one titled, "Why I do want to homeschool". I wrote them very fast, and didn't stop till I was finished with both of them. I wanted my first, unedited thoughts.

My eyes were opened as I read through them. The "don't want to" one was totally and completely selfish. I wrote things like, "I don't like clutter" and "I like my alone time". The "want to" one was amazing. I filled the page with my subconscious longing to spend time doing meaningful and productive things with my children. Things that can't happen squeezed into the tiny amount of time in the day that is left empty when school lets out, homework is finished, and dinner is eaten. I wrote that I had already missed enough of Alec's childhood and I didn't want to miss anymore of it.

I wrote that I want to re-learn everything right beside them. I want to be there to see their faces light up when they learn why a whale has a blow hole or why the pyramids in Egypt are shaped like triangles. I want to be the one that watches Benji and Ava write their first sentances or listens to them recite the alphabet for the first time alone. I don't want to hear about all of it after school.

So, after meeting with three families, and another one scheduled for next week, and a plan to attend a conference in the summer, where do we stand? I'm prayerful. Marvin is silent. We are waiting. Waiting for the moment when we look at each other, the time is right, and we agree. The Lord knows the path we should take, and we're waiting on Him.