12/17/2011

Minus one...

It's been a bit over a year since my miscarriage

I still cry and miss my baby...

I think about how old she'd be right now...she pops into my head at odd times, and I mentally fit her in to what we're doing. 

I always feel like someone's missing and am constantly looking around, counting to make sure we've got everyone. 

I have friends who had babies around the time I would have had my angel, and it makes the empty space in my heart even bigger when I see them.

I also have friends who have shared the pain of miscarriage...but they've gone on to have other children.  "But what if I can't?" I always think...
We've tried...and I had one more miscarriage...

Discovering and dealing with related health issues should make it easier to bide my time. Some days it does, but some days it doesn't.

They say time heals everything, but I'm not so sure. Part of me is forever changed...will forever be longing...
Despite the sadness, I've come to terms with the reality that
it happened.

I am a mother of five...
two of whom I've never kissed
but will someday.

It will forever be a part of who I am
we will always have a part of our family missing.

Our family is not yet complete.
God has promised me to one day fill my aching arms again...but the waiting is so hard.

5 readers took time to leave a thought:

Holly December 17, 2011 at 12:04 PM  

I had a miscarriage in October so I understand how you feel... I had no idea how hard it would be to heal emotionally. It's been a tough 2 months but I'm finally feeling back to "normal", if you know what I mean.

Elijah December 17, 2011 at 2:02 PM  

Hugs to you, Shelly.

12arrows December 17, 2011 at 8:09 PM  

Those arms WILL be filled! You will appreciate it more and realize the true gift that life is! Praying for you and believing that that there will be another little beating heart in your family SOON to fill that emptiness!

Blessings to you!

Anonymous December 17, 2011 at 9:49 PM  

Praying for you, just randomly dropped by and want you to know I've been there too. I had two miscarriages after three healthy pregnancies and children and by the grace of God, I have my sixth child here with me. I have six children and two are in His arms when I ache for them to be in mine. I don't know what God has in store for you, but know I will pray that He gives you your hearts desire.
God Bless.

Michelle Jamie December 23, 2011 at 1:57 PM  

I've been away for a really long time. My heart is aching to. I really would like a 5th child although it would be my 7th if I count my 2 miscarrages. With my last pregnancy I was told that the baby was a girl. I lit up inside thinking: I get to have my dream. My will was the same as God's will. 3 boys and one girl. I started dreaming about what a privillage it was to have a little girl and what my life was going to look like and how cherrished she was. at our 4 th scan they said that the baby was actually a boy not a girl. My whole world shattered. I felt like I had miscarried and that my little girl was dead a child I would never get to hold, smell, touch, or whisper the glories of God to. I know that God would never give me a daughter because I would make her a god in my life. I hate that truth but it's truth none the less. Yesterday I got some pink clothes out that I'd bought for her and the gaping whole was still as empty and painful as over a year ago.

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