40 Weeks...

Today is my due date. I had really hoped not to share the month with Alec, who turns 12 (yikes!) on the 5th. Obviously it's happening...we'll forever have two birthdays squished together...and this momma stresses out over birthday parties. Oh well. I love my kids...so whatever!

I"m actually not feeling too terribly bad. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I have a plethora of distractions like nose-picking, sibling rivalry, lost school books, and rocks in the dryer to keep me from wallowing too deeply in self pity. But really, over all (after the 15 weeks of morning sickness abated) this has been a pretty comfortable pregnancy. My chiropractor has been good to me and I've enjoyed the hands-off approach of my new midwives.

I am having a bit of pelvic pain the past few weeks, making walking pretty painful, as well as laying on my side...AND Baby is sitting so low that I pretty much always feel like I have to pee...even if I don't. I've guzzled gallons of Raspberry Leaf tea, taken tons of Evening Primrose Oil, been diligent with my chlorophyll and Vitamin D. Meat still doesn't appeal to me, still craving fruit. Trying to keep the grain/bread consumption to a low amount, drinking tons of raw milk...and still using Magnesium Oil or taking Epsom Salt baths. Sleeping decently, propped up mostly...for some reason that seems more comfortable than flat.

I've had three major pregnancy hormone meltdowns...and a few little moments of tears lately for no reason. I'm guessing the emotions are caused by hormones, but also the slight stress of wondering what labor will be like this time around. I've never had a labor not augmented by drugs, so I have only a guess as to how it will go. I'm also concerned with wanting to be present and able to pay attention to the miracle of the actual birth...reaching to feel Baby's head, possibly catching Baby myself, etc. I remember with my other drugged labors feeling just really embarrassed and self conscious, and feeling so uncomfortable and out of control that I just had to squeeze my eyes closed and make it through. I so don't want that this time...

I am getting really excited to snuggle a newborn again after so long...and to breastfeed...and marvel at the tiny ears and fingers...and hear my kids laughter at the cuteness...and see how my daughter will blossom in her role as big sister...and watch my sons turn tender and gentle...and how I love watching my husband with a baby!! He's amazing...

Soon...very soon...we'll meet our little "rainbow baby"...our bright spot after the clouds of multiple loss. Baby, whoever you are, you are much loved, much anticipated, and a cherished gift from Jesus. The word Jesus spoke to me for you was "truth"...and I sense that you also have much joy. You seem to be happy and peaceful and easy going...and I have no doubt that I'm learning more of the truth of the nature of my Heavenly Father as I walk through the beginning of your life. I love you so much...