Today it's beautiful
finally spring here
close to 70
kids muddy and gleeful
windows open, sun streaming in
I thought I'd be holding my babe by now
I am, but not in my arms!
I got asked the other day if I was having twins
and people keep asking me about being "overdue"
as if this is a loaf of bread burning in the oven
I'm 40 weeks and 6 days today
not considered "overdue" till I hit 42 weeks
but still anxious about having another induction
In the meantime, catching up on some life from the past months...

This was a very special day for me...
I was 29 weeks along
I sent the kids to Nana and Papa's for the day so I could
re-arrange Ava's bedroom to make space for the crib
and other baby stuff

I was so emotional that day while I moved Ava's special things out of her room
Behind me in the picture is her dress up and toy corner
all her little treasures in bins
all the things that are uniquely hers

Moved out 
to make room for the sibling
that will make her no longer the baby

No longer my littlest one

When the ending of one thing is
the beginning of another
no matter how sweet
no matter how sacred
it's hard

I had tears that day
a swirled cocktail of emotion
pink and blue
sweet and sour

I wanted to remember how happy I was
to finally be momma again
after loss and heartache
to remember how sacred my daughter's little space is
how sacred her beautiful heart is to me

She cried for a while when we talked about how we'd have to move her stuff
when she came home that day there was nothing but delight on her face
at the new arrangement out in the toy room

Someday you'll read this, Ava Grace, and I want you to know
that no matter how many more blessings Jesus brings us
you will always be my first daughter
precious to me in every way
the delight of my heart
I love you so much, baby girl!


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