Yesterday...

We thought it was a good idea...

and we still do..

.

BUT...

It was really hard to get out the door that early

We had to wake nearly everyone up 

(with the exception of Ava who probably hardly slept all night because she was so excited)

I had burnt my two hot cereal pans the day before so we ended up eating

cold organic turkey hotdogs for breakfast

No one was very hungry!

I really wanted coffee

Everyone was cold

We made it there on time, despite a last minute crisis with Ava's shoes and the absolute necessity of band aids

Keeping Ava and Benji happy for two hours was a challenge

Alec loved Physics class 

and used his walkie talkie to find me afterwards even though he knew 

exactly where I was

At the door of her first class, Ava hugged me hard and said,
"Mommy, I'm your sugar-bean forever!"

I knew she was a bit scared but being very brave

That class lasted two hours

Afterward she threw a tantrum in the hallway and screamed, "i'm TIRED!!!!"

She looked very funny throwing the fit because she is so tall

I tried hard not to laugh

Benji looked completely bored in Science and had nothing to say about it later

He and Alec loved the LEGO engineering class and I loved their teacher

Ava quickly got over her tiredness and she and Benji had a blast in gym class

All of Alec's teachers gave him candy

Halfway through Benji's Science class I started a headache

By the end of the day it was a full-blown migraine

Once I get a migraine all I can do is go to bed with an ice pack for the rest of the day

It was only 2:00 when we got home

I like the idea of this and I liked how happy the kids were

but

next week needs to be easier 

(with no headache!)

Tomorrow...

We sent Alec to kindergarten, first grade and second grade at our local public school. The first day of school was always a bit sad for us, but especially the FIRST first day of school! I cried like a broken fire hydrant that day (and so did my best friend, also dropping off her son, so I didn't feel so bad. Ha!).

Benji and Ava have never formally "been to school", consequently, I have only ever had one FIRST first day of school as a momma. That's fine by me. However, we have decided to enroll the kids in a one day a week co-op where they will be taking classes not taught by me.

Ava is taking a class called Story Stretchers where she will listen to a story, eat her lunch, and do a related activity with 7 other adorable preschoolers. Benji is taking a beginners science class, a Lego-based physics/engineering class and a gym class (that Ava is in also).

Now, this is technically NOT school, and I will be in the building supervising classes and participating (it is truly a co-op)...BUT...in my mind, it's still Benji and Ava's FIRST first day of school.


We'll be packing our lunches, packing backpacks (full of other school work to be completed during down time, and other activities), leaving bright and early (8:00am), and returning during the afternoon fade (2:00pm). While there won't be any teacher assigned homework, or parent teacher conferences, or curriculum night, or door-to-door fundraisers, there WILL be the moment where I send them through the door to be taught by someone else.

We're all looking forward to it, it's a great opportunity to make new friends and learn new things. The teachers are all parents of the students and share the same values that our family stands for. The classes are held in the church we used to attend, and the pastor is praying with us in the morning to kick off our school year.

The Lord has lead us here and provided, and we're grateful.

But...*sigh*...it's just one of those milestones...they're just a bit older...a bit more independent...and my arms are aching just a bit more for another little one...

today

dust~ boxes ~ donate ~ toys ~ sneeze ~ take out ~ put in ~ memories 
paper ~ kids ~ sad ~ tampons ~ chocolate ~ laughing ~ paint ~ animals
camera ~ attic ~ ugly ~ ladder ~toilet ~ new ~ old ~ dresser 
fix ~ wipe ~ chairs ~ bounce ~ sleep ~ fresh ~ chalk ~ music ~ history

{peace}

I was pregnant

and then...

Two weeks ago, we found out that our precious baby was going home to be with Jesus before we got the chance to hold her in our arms.

A week ago today, I had the miscarriage.

This baby was an answer to the prayers of a mother's heart yearning for more children

It was not something we had planned, but not something we had planned against...

we were yielding to the Father's will

It was the perfect gift, 

the perfect surprise, 

the perfect answer to the prayers of my children for another to join their ranks

Each time I've been pregnant, the Lord has given me a word for each baby. Alec's word was "blessing", Benji's word was "compassion", Ava's word was "grace". I knew the word for this baby very early on, it was "peace". Now I know why.

Through every minute of confusion, 

heartbreak, 

anger, 

tears 

and pain, 

the peace that passes all understanding washed through me

I believe that we who are honored to be parents are learning life's lessons through the most perfect teachers; our children

Our children force us to look to Christ again and again

and when we do, when we submit to His perfect plan,

they, in turn, shower us with the physical manifestation of His unconditional love

My Benji, my child who teaches me compassion, has been love personified through these difficult weeks.  He would catch me crying and just climb up on the bed or my lap and sit...quietly...tenderly stroking my arm...furtively glancing up at my wet eyes...saying, "Mom? You're sad about the baby again, aren't you? I"m sad, too..."  Now, weeks later, he still comes to me often and hugs me, sweetly saying "Mommy, I love you..."

I don't have any answers for why

and I may never have them

but I do know this:

Jesus Christ, mighty God, creator of the universe, who calls the stars by name,

will meet us where we are,

 In the fog of my tears and broken heart,
in my grieving for my loss,
in my inability to pray,
read,
or even think,
he met me  

in the arms of my child,

my child with the compassionate spirit 

~Psalm 139

waiting...

I'm still here, just waiting...

Things are happening

some good, mostly bad

Waiting is hard

especially when you don't want what you're waiting for

We're back!!

we had a week of rest, and fun (and heat!) 

here's what that looks like:

coastal Ohio beaches...

family fishing trips...

(Ava proudly told me that she had caught a "suck-a-mizer"!)

sunfish for rent...

bluegills a-plenty!

fun on the rocks at Marblehead lighthouse...

too much Hawaiian Ice!

ice cream makes you grow, did you know that?

rock painting...

community picnic in the park night...

more fun at Marblehead...

treasures for Boo...

an amazing find...

no one likes the "creepy hot dog man"!

more Marblehead...

at the end of the pier...

We're leaving...

for a week of relaxation at Lakeside

This is the highlight of my year, except for the packing

The cottage is bare bones, and we need to bring things such as kitchen towels and bed linens. 

It's still worth it!

After a fun, stressful week of RAD kids classes with the boys, shopping, dress making, hair cutting, and baking, I'm ready for a week of sitting in the sun and reading!

I'll leave you with these moments from our annual outing to our state fair...

I don't think BLUE is a food group...

the kids all voted that we should get one of these for our house

sweater, anyone?

too much of THIS

and THIS

can lead to THIS!

going bananas with my camera as I learn how to shoot in manual mode

high jumpin'

AND

high slidin'!

high riding

and low riding

baby cuteness

and momma~girlie cuteness

AND
family together~ness...

~~~See you soon!~~~