While You Were Out

Before...

After!

My dear friend Sarah recently went to Brazil with a team from our church on a short-term missions trip.

While she was gone, her mom, mother-in-law and I transformed her and her husband's bedroom. With a very tight budget, I might add. The whole thing cost around $200! Amazing, right?

Wordless Wednesday

Pick up lines

Alright you all. Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. I'm sure my 15 readers are at the edges of their seats wondering what's happening at our house!

So, I'll not keep you in suspense any longer. I've been working a little on meeUp, having a birthday party for my newly 5 year old middleman, and waiting (very impatiently) for a very dear friend of mine to return home from a 2 1/2 week missions trip to Brazil. (See? Not that exciting!)

Today is a snow day for us, so for all of you who also have a snow day and are housebound (and for the luckier ones who have a sunny day and just choose to say in and read blogs!), here is a thought I've been working on for a while and am finally ready to publish.

Enjoy!

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Dating Your Friends


I have this theory. It involves the relationship between our relationships. It involves the alarming and humorous parallel between wooing a mate and wooing a friend. If you’ve ever wondered why you feel like you’re on a first date when you take your preschooler to her first play group, read on.

I’ll begin by briefly describing the phases of the common courtship.

Phase one: Whether or not you believe in love at first sight, there is no denying “chemistry at first sight”. So your eyes meet, you make awkward small talk, exchange numbers, and meet for coffee. Curiosity is peaked, and you begin your descent into the comfortable cradle of a long-term relationship.

Phase two: You are getting serious. The object of your interest consumes most corners of your mind. You decide to commit for life. Proposals and vows are giddily whispered and shouted, belongings are shuffled, and two lives merge into one.

Phase three: Oh, bliss! You’ve met your soulmate. Every day is perfection as you walk out your life beside your perfect match. They can do no wrong and upon the rare occasion it does occur, it is hastily overlooked. Life is good.

Phase four: The rose-colored glasses got left on your bedside table one morning and were never retrieved. This perfect match for you is still perfect, but you’re realizing that neither you nor he is without flaw. Since love is seasoned and ultimately becomes a choice of the mind and the heart, you begin to learn the ebb and flow of hurt, forgiveness, and renewed intimacy. Life is still good, but you are wiser.

Now, let’s examine the phases of the common friendship. And, in doing this, let me be CLEARLY clear that I’m not referring to switching to the other team, if you catch my drift!

Phase one: Friends do fall in love. Most don’t care to admit this, and maybe friends like that are an endangered species, but it does happen. And, science shows us that we women are definitely attracted (on a purely visual level) to each other AND we often pick friends based on first impressions. So . . .your eyes meet, you make awkward small talk, exchange numbers, and meet for coffee (or at the playground with toddlers in tow). Curiosity is peaked, and you begin your descent into the comfortable cradle of a long-term relationship.

Phase two: You are getting serious. The object of your interest consumes most corners of your mind and most minutes on your cell phone. You decide to commit (provided your kids get along well with her kids). Carpool arrangements and movie nights are giddily planned, belongings are shuffled, and two lives (or four or five, depending on the number of kids in the mix!) merge into one.

Phase three: Oh, bliss! You’ve met your soulmate. Every shopping trip and phone call is perfection, as you walk out your life as a wife and mom alongside your perfect match. She can do no wrong, and on the rare occasion that she lets your kids watch a movie you don’t like or forgets your birthday, it is hastily overlooked. Life is good.

Phase four: The rose-colored sunglasses got left on your dashboard one afternoon and were never retrieved. This perfect match for you is still perfect, but you’re realizing that neither you nor she is without flaw. Since sisterly love is seasoned and ultimately becomes a choice of the mind and the heart, you begin to learn the ebb and flow of hurt, forgiveness, and renewed intimacy. Life is still good, but you are wiser.

Go ahead, admit it: When you’re getting ready for a girls night out, you spend just as much time primping as you would if you were going out on a date with your man. Once you’re “married”, things relax a bit. The worn-in jeans are much more comfortable than the new, trendy ones. Oh, and surely she won’t notice if you have the same shirt on tonight that you did yesterday at the park.

And don’t forget the phone manners. When you’re “dating”, you’d never hang up without the appropriate closing sentence, “Ok, well have a good day, I’ll call you later”, right? Once you’re “married”, a hurried “ ‘K, see ya!” is plenty!

Oh, and are you in any friendships that equate a newly married couple with the husband travelling all the time? You’ve gotten to the end of Phase Three, but are never together long enough to drop all the pretenses.

Take this theory with you and hold it close. May it help you navigate the rough waters of first play-dates and the uncertainty of being new in the group on a girls night out. May it help you cherish those friends you are “married” to and may you never take the labor of love that is a true friendship for granted.

So go ahead, fall in love with your friends. Being vulnerable will only make you stronger.

Random Picture Challenge

Here's my random picture challenge photo: my 30th one from August 2007.
We are at our annual vacation spot and the boys were hamming it up on an unused cannon on the lakefront. This is actually one of several of our photo traditions that we do every year when we go. I took several this time before I realized that it was a very bad time of day to have good lighting!

Happy...

Happy fifth birthday, Boo Bear! I love the way you love me...you are so tender and sweet, picking me flowers, telling me I'm beautiful, noticing if I have a pretty outfit on, giving me hugs. Look out, ladies! You and I have come a long way since you were born. We've grown healthier in both mind and body. When I was pregnant with you and your brother and sister, your Heavenly Father gave me a single word for each of you. Yours was "compassion". I'm excited to see how He fulfills that promise as you grow.
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Benji's Story

Shortly after Benji was born, my father-in-law was diagnosed with esphageal cancer. My pregnancy with Benji had been stressful also. I had had several bad colds, the flu, and a sinus infection. I was also working about 30 hours a week in a fast-paced job as a hairstylist.

As my father-in-law's cancer worsened, so did Benji's health. By 3 months he had open, weeping sores on 70% of his body. Our M.D. said he had eczema and referred us to a dermatologist who prescribed the typical steroid creams and promised a childhood of itchiness.
As soon as the cream would clear up a patch of skin, the eczema would flare back up worse than before.

We were putting socks on his hands to prevent him from scratching at his skin, and could hardly touch any part of his body, for fear of infecting the open sores. It was torture.

One night, I was sitting on the couch nursing Benji and I cried and screamed out to the Lord. "Why?? Why me, why my little baby?? What's wrong with him?" I was desperate and angry. The next morning I made a big, and what would be life-changing, decision.

My uncle is a Naturopath, a doctor that studies natural medicine. The natural medicine field looks at the human body as a working system instead of a series of symptoms, like conventional medicine often does. I knew that he had to have some answers for me, since our pediatrician and dermatologists didn't.

I took some time off from my job, packed Benji and Alec up in the car, took my mom, and headed out of state for an indefinite period of time. Marvin stayed home to work and be with his very ill father.

We learned so much on that trip about Benji's little body and what was causing his skin to malfunction. Through a series of tests using what is called Applied Kineseology (email me if you're curious) we discovered Benji's massive list of sensitivities. He was even sensitive to the arsenic and antibiotics that are fed to commercial chickens.

Disposable diapers, plastic, bleach, most laundry detergent, hair styling products, new carpet, fresh paint, silicone, corn, eggs, wheat, dairy, oats, apples, most nuts, and citrus were among others.

I was devastated and very relieved at the same time. We also learned that my body was extremely toxic from working in the hair salon for so many years and Benji's body was toxic because of it. The combination of him trying to rid himself of the toxins and being so sensitive to many things I was consuming and using, had sent his system into overload.
I truly believe that this is one child that was spared a life of severe illness or possibly death by our diligent research and choice to not vaccinate.

We made two trips to see my uncle and an associate of his, and we learned some acupressure routines to preform on Benji to help him detox more quickly.

During this time, Marvin and I grew farther and farther apart. I was totally consumed by my quest for health with Benji, and Marvin was totally consumed by his bedside vigilance with his dad. I remember one night, I had worked all day, picked up the boys and was playing with them on the floor. Marvin came in the door from work, changed and walked back out the door to drive the 40 minutes to the hospital where his dad was. "Please don't go tonight!", Alec and I pleaded tearfully. I'll never forget that feeling of total abandonment as the door shut behind Marvin. The feeling of being totally alone, that Marvin was choosing his dying father over his wife and two boys.

Since I was breastfeeding, I needed to stop eating all the foods that Benji was sensitive to. That meant a complete lifestyle change. Not that we didn't eat healthfully before, but this required an even more pristine diet. For months, I ate nothing but brown rice, beans, veggies, organic chicken, goat cheese, and fruit, and IT WORKED!!! Little by little, Benji's skin returned to normal.

As Benji's health improved, Marvin's dad went into hospice. I began an even harder phase of being overjoyed that Benji was healing and we had some answers, and greiving over the impending loss of my father-in-law and the crumbling of my marriage.

When my father-in-law went to be with Jesus, I went through the motions of being the supportive wife like a robot. I really had no feelings of my own for Marvin, only the choices that I made minute by minute to love him and pray for him.

They say time heals, and Benji healed in time, but my marriage did not. We grew farther and farther apart. Threats to sleep on the couch or go stay with our parents became more common. We were co-existing only. Like partners in a business deal. The business of parenting and running a household.

I wish I could tell you that there was some dramatic event that changed our course and threw us together, but I can't. What I can tell you is this: we prayed. We prayed and we were prayed for. We sought counsel from our church and began to recognize our faults. We began to pray for each other and had many nights of weeping and confessing hurts and forgiving.

In about a year's time, we went from plastic cake-topper spouses, back to real, flesh-and-blood soulmates, like we began. We have forgiven each other completely, our love has deepend and has a richness that only comes with time and the healing of hurts.
I know without a doubt that our Heavenly Father created Marvin and I to be together, and He honored our pleas and re-united us as one.

Benji is a daily reminder to us of what we've been through and how far we've come. He is so healthy and always has such a sweet, happy spirit about him. He continues to be sensitive to many of the things on the list, but we've been told that it's quite possible that he'll outgrow most of it. We're also praying for supernatural healing because we know that God is mighty and capeable!

Wordless Wednesday

Computer temporarily not working. I'll be back soon!

Random Picture Challenge

Here's my random picture challenge. Ava at 13 mos. wearing one of my favorite outfits (she's still wearing the dress this winter, but as a shirt), eating freeze-dried apples in our kitchen. I was taking pictures of her because I just couldn't get enough of that outfit and I liked the way it looked on my floor.

Hop on over to Brittany's and check out some more random-ness!

my secrets. . .but not all of them!

I was tagged by Brittany for this meme and since it's -10 degrees right now and there's no school and there's no way I'm going out of the house, I thought I'd take some time and play along!

Here's 16 things you probably don't know about me:

~I love to write. I'm secretly hoping that someday someone will come across my blog and hire me to write for an online publication about parenting, nutrition, family life, relationships, whatever. I spend lots of time choosing words and placing them just so, like I'm painting a picture or making a quilt. It's what I do if I can't get my hands on some textiles!

~I really, really, really like olives and no one else in my family does

~I have a birthmark on my right thigh. It looks like a pile of freckles, and is practically invisible now, what with all the stretch marks and cellulite that have taken up residence as a result of childbearing!

~I am completely neurotic about furniture placement. I have to have things placed to the centimeter or I actually feel physically ill. And, I always look at other people's furniture and re-arrange it in my mind when I'm at their house

~I quit band in elementary school because I was tired of hearing, "oh you make me sick, you're so good" and the band teacher telling me "wow! I can't believe you can play all this by ear, you can't quit, you do such a good job". It annoyed me. So I quit. I now think that was a bad decision and am very surprised that my parents let me do it!

~I also gave up on art class for the same reason. Although now, I think it was really because the extra attention made me uncomfortable. I REALLY, REALLY wish I hadn't quit! I've looked back on some of the things I drew and am amazed that that came from my pencil.

~My middle toe is slightly longer than my big toe and for some strange reason it really doesn't bother me!

~I've left Benji's red big wheel and Ava's pink push-n-ride sitting out in the front yard since they last got off of them in the fall. They're sitting in the same positions and are now covered with snow. . .I hope they don't freeze and crack. . .

~Since I've had my driver's license, I've been in 9 (maybe 10?) car accidents. None of them have been my fault except one. Talk about feeling like a victim! The first car accident I had, I was rear-ended by a hit and run driver. A week after I had the damage repaired, my car was rear-ended again while I was in a store. I went around after that feeling like I had a big target painted on the trunk!

~I hate to wash my hair. It's been a week since I've washed it right now. That's funny to me because I was a hairdresser for 10 years, love to do other people's hair and I actually love my hair, but don't like to style it. It looks better after I sleep on it, and most of the time looks fantastic when I wake up in the morning. Please don't be jealous; I have many, many other flaws!

~I can't leave the house without mascara and some sort of large, statement-making jewlery, usually a necklace or earrings. Even if I'm sick. And I NEVER wear sweatpants out of the house, not even to the grocery store.

~In my purse right now I have a $30 tube of Nars lip gloss that I purchased at Nordstrom with a gift card from my mom. The purse is a bronze and brown satchel from Kathy Van Zeeland. It retails for around $90. I got it from the thrift store for $9.99 and it looks brand new. See? It doesn't take a million to make you look like a million!

~I am a hater of all foods pre-packaged, or made of chemicals and not real ingredients. That having been said, Bisquick pancakes and Log Cabin "maple" syrup is one of my guilty pleasures! Hello, corn syrup and hyrdogenated soybean oil! All things in moderation, right? (we're talking about once a year on this one, though!)

~Ava is awake and waiting patiently in her crib with her dollies for me to come get her. I"ve been known to send the boys up to play with her while I finish applying that mascara I can't do without, or finish typing a blog post (like right now..."Oh, boys!?")

~If I were to have any cosmetic procedures done right now, I'd probably have veneers put on my teeth. I have very faint marks on the enamel of my front teeth from a high fever I had when they were developing, my eye teeth are too pointy for my liking, and the bottoms of my two middle teeth are bumpy like a corn cob instead of straight across. I have a nice smile, but I'm very picky!

~I love going into my bedroom in the middle of the morning. There's something about the light then and the quietness that makes me feel like everything is OK. I also like "spying" on my house when I'm not supposed to be there. You know, if I drove a mile and then realized that I forgot something and had to go back? I'm going in when I'm not supposed to be there and I always feel like it's so peaceful and somehow looks different, like it's resting.



I'm inviting Lacie, FaithHopeLoveMama, Sara, and Kate to play along

Model Behavior

At our house, we strive for the big F.T.O. (first time obedience).

When Alec was born, we were determined to enforce it from the beginning. As soon as we felt his comprehension was up to par, if he didn't stop when we said stop or come when we said come, there would be a consequence. When Benji was born, we went a little soft because of his health issues (his story coming in a couple weeks on his birthday), but still enforced what we could. Now that Ava's two and sometimes very obstinate, we're revisiting our F.T.O. rules and expectations.

This ran through my mind the other day as I was asking Alec for the third time to put on his shoes:

We believe that we are to model the behavior and attitudes that we wish our children to display. That having been said, here's a scenario: I'm folding a pile of laundry. Alec calls to me, "Mom! Can you help me with this Lego?" I say, "Just a minute honey, let me finish folding these clothes and then I'll be there."
Scenario number two: We're getting ready to leave for school. I say, "Alec, please get your shoes and coat on." Two minutes later, I look over and he's playing with a toy, not doing what I asked.

On one hand, if we are to model behavior for our children, I should immediately stop folding laundry and rush to Alec's side, to demonstrate F.T.O. On the other hand, Alec needs to learn to be patient, be independent, and to realize that I'm not his servant, at his beck and call. It's a tough call!

I recently asked a wise friend what her opinion was and she shared this with me: At her house, she thinks before she asks. Meaning that if she needs her son to put away laundry but he's playing in his room, instead of saying, "Jerod, come and put your laundry away!", she says, "Hey Jerod! When you get a minute, could you put your laundry away?" Or, "Jerod, I need you to put your laundry away by six o'clock." So, she still requires F.T.O., but it's within a designated time frame, not necessarily immediate.

We certainly don't want our children to be robots or servants, but at the same time, they must learn that obeying, honoring and respecting their earthly parents is one of the highest commands of our heavenly father. Among the many examples: Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Exodus 20:12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

So, obedience is kind of a big deal around here! How do you enforce it at your house?

Wordless Wednesday

before the snow. . .

Felted Wool Sweater Throw Tutorial (Handmade pt.5)

I've had quite a few questions about the details of creating one of these throws. They are fun and relatively easy to make, but I wouldn't recommend the project for beginner. I'd rate the throw as about a medium level of difficulty only because you're sewing together textiles of varying degrees of thickness.

For each throw, I average about 8 sweaters, but it varies because of the shrinkage factor when they are felted. To felt a sweater, make sure it's 70% wool or higher. Add some dish soap to your washer and wash sweaters with that and hot water. Toss them into the dryer on high heat, and viola! Felted wool!

Below are instructions and pictures. Enjoy your project! Feel free to contact me with further questions.

Felted sweaters, ready to be cut

If the neckline of the sweater is low, or I want a wider piece, I'll cut the sweater this way

Otherwise, I'll just cut off the arms and square up the body pieces later

Cut open the sleeves on the seam. They can be zig-zagged together to make one larger piece or just used as is (after squaring them up)

Front and back of deconstructed sweater (minus sleeves and neck)

I like to use scissors to do the bulky cutting and then square everything up using my rotary cutter. It makes pieceing the throw together easier if all the edges are perfectly straight

Pile of scraps...someday I'll figure out how to recycle these!

Finished squares/rectangles

Start laying out the pieces on the floor or a large table. Have fun with this; you can't go wrong as long as you picked colors that compliment each other. I like to do a rough size layout first and then re-arrange and tweak it. I think the last one I made was 60x80in. Also, on this one, I turned the pieces so that the sleeve cuffs and bottoms of the sweaters for the outer edges of the blanket

When I'm ready to sew it, I pin the whole thing together. Then I either pick up a section at a time and sew it or just pick up the whole thing and sew it all at once. There are advantages to both methods, I've only made three of these so I'm not sure which method seems faster or easier

I'm sewing it together with a conventional zig-zag stitch, the widest setting and a med/small length (3.5 on my machine). There is not seam allowance, it's just what I call a "butt-joint", joining the two raw edges together flat and zig-zagging across them

Here's the finished product, throw #3. I had wanted to use some reds in it, but they just didn't look right, so I put one tiny red square in the middle for whimsy. I also left some of the sweater details, such as buttons on a cuff, or embroidered flowers on the hem. Varying textures (cable-knit, rib-knit, etc.) and details like the buttons are what make the throws unique.

random picture challenge

I'm a little late jumping on this random picture challenge from 4LittleMenandGirlyTwins, but here's mine. I was trying to fix dinner and Ava was bored, so I gave her this big bowl of chopped cabbage and a fork. The cabbage was for a stir-fry, and I was chopping other stuff while she played with it.
I can't believe that was only May, and she already looks so much different and has long since been out of the highchair and graduated to the "big kid bench" at our table!
And, I haven't made that dish in a while, maybe it'll be on our menu this week. . .

Handmade pt. 4

So last night at our small group (home bible study with friends from church), I was telling someone that I had recently made throws and ornaments from felted wool. She said that she had read about making mittens out of felted wool sweaters and I couldn't stop thinking about it all night!
We got home late, but at midnight I was Googling "patterns for felted wool mittens". I came across several ideas and whipped these beauties up this morning. I used the bottom of the sweater for the cuff of the mitten and the felt flowers were cut from scraps of my last sweater blanket.
I surprised her at church tonight with the mittens. They ended up being a little big for her (and me!); next time I won't allow so much extra for the seam.

Dino Drool

Inspired by our new favorite movie, Journey to the Center of the Earth, Alec solicited Benji's help in whipping up a batch of "Dino Drool". There is a scene in the movie where the juvenile action hero gets spit on by an enormous carnivorous dinosour. It's nasty, but fascinating to Alec, who watches all the bonus features on every movie to find out how everything is made. At the end of this movie, there is actually a recipe for the dino drool.

Hair Gel~~~7UP~~~Peat Moss

We had to go to our local nursery and purchase at 40lb. bag of the moss (the smallest size they had) so Alec could use a couple of tablespoons of it to add the "partially-chewed-food particle" effect to the slime. It actually smelled good because of the hair gel, but I couldn't convince either of the boys to let me style their hair with it!

Wordless Wednesday

After School Special

I wanna be the cool mom. I wanna be the house that all my kids friends love to come to. The one with the yummy food, fun games, awesome hideout, and laid back parents who don't get in a tizzy when popcorn is dumped on the floor or water spilled on the bed.

I guess I kinda grew up that way. All my friends Luuuuved my mom, thought my dad was cool, and we had fabulous sleepovers. The kind where we "sneak" into the kitchen at night and make candy, or eat cold pizza, or prank call the cute boy at school. We lived in a tiny house, a three bedroom ranch, probably around 1600 or 1700 sq. feet. My parents knew every breath we took, but turned their heads and let us free unless it interrupted the straight and narrow path of our morals.

After school today, I entertained these three handsome fellows. While they watched a movie in 3-D, I popped popcorn and baked them chocolate chip cookies as big as their faces. I let them eat it all on the couches and then smiled when they stampeded up the stairs to play flashlight tag in Alec's darkened bedroom.

Sound nice?

Well, at the same time, I was potty-training Ava, conducting diplomatic negotiations between Benji and his friend, cleaning up from the cookie baking, thinking about dinner, and trying to de-clutter my kitchen closet to make room for craft supplies.
Hm mm. . .I just want to be the cool mom, not super-mom! Gotta find that balance somewhere. . .

Anyone have that house that everyone comes to? What's your secret?

Back to the future

We took our tree down today and packed away all our decorations until next year.
I was feeling a bit nostalgic as I closed the boxes, thinking about last year and wondering what adventures we'd have in 2009 (my new personal motto is :"Lookin' fine in 2009!" tee-hee!)

Anyways, I decided to leave myself some notes in the boxes so I'd find them this Christmas. I wrote things like, "this year we found out that Benji can eat almonds now" and "this year I had a bad car accident resulting in cancelled insurance and a new van". I also wrote stuff like, "this year I wept about the great probability that I would never again feel a baby kicking in my belly".

In the boxes of outside decorations, I wrote, "it's in the mid 40's today as I'm packing this", and "Ava's napping and the boys are playing a video game".

I don't know exactly why I did it, I sort of felt the need to send myself a message, to somehow connect today with tomorrow. Like writing memories in a baby book or journal. Like re-reading old blog posts. Maybe I should have left myself some good advice for later! As if I'm wiser now than I will be in 12 months!
I always think about if I could go back and do something over again, knowing what I know now...would it be better? Or would my lack of innocence spoil the experience?

If you could give yourself one piece of advice for the future, what would it be?
If you could go back and do something over again what would it be?

NOT new year's resolutions

:: I do NOT resolve to keep my house tidier, my laundry caught up, and my bathroom floors spotless

:: I do NOT resolve to stop eating baked goods and bananas dipped in peanut butter and melted chocolate

:: I do NOT resolve to quit yelling at my kids when I'm too frustrated to see straight

:: I do NOT resolve to pick up my husband's shoes when they're 2 inches from the shoe bin instead of kicking them or stomping on them

:: I do NOT resolve to stop feeling inadequate as a mom when I see another mom smoothly orchestrating a craft session with ages 2-8 all at the same table

:: I do NOT resolve to exercise every day so I can lose weight and finally look "hot" again for my husband

INSTEAD. . .

:: I will keep the house tidy, laundry caught up and bathroom floors spotless only when it doesn't distract me from the bigger goal of raising my children

:: I will make a conscious effort to not only continue caring for the health of my children, but also to start caring for my own health, making small positive changes, one at a time (and I will still savor some chocolate!)

:: I will accept the fact that I do not have an infinite reservoir of patience, nobody's perfect, and it's Jesus running the show not me so I need to let go and let Him show me what to do next

:: I will repent for my rebellious nature, and when I can pick up after myself only, with a cheerful attitude, then and only then will I attempt to pick up after my husband without grumbling

:: I will realize that it's ok if my craft sessions fail, at least I tried and things always get easier as the kids get older. I will never stop trying to teach my kids to be creative, no matter how much paint spills, how many markers dry out, or how much play-doh gets eaten.

:: I will accept the fact that my husband loves me intensely for who I am on the inside, and even though he may have married me for my looks {wink}, superficial love is meaningless and what we have now is infinitely better and more fulfilling. I will stop being so self conscious and self critical and will live in the knowledge that I'm beautiful in the Lord's eyes because He sees my heart.

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Everyone who reads this is tagged to come up with a NOT resolution...leave a comment so I can visit and read yours!

Here's to an honest, joyous, creative, new New Year!